


dream a little dream of me

by mythological



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, and a little dumb when it comes to feelings, idiots to lovers, seemingly unrequited crush but it's actually requited sicheng is just dense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26833612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythological/pseuds/mythological
Summary: Sicheng isn't pining after Jaehyun. He's not. And even if he was, which he'snot, Sicheng is 100% sure that his feelings aren't reciprocated. But it doesn't matter, since he's not pining, right?(Or: Sicheng is dense. Jaehyun is patient. Their friends are 100% done with them both.)
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Comments: 21
Kudos: 305





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dochiwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dochiwrites/gifts).



> **some notes**  
> -you can think of the very first scene of the fic as a prologue to introduce the story; everything else after the first scene happens in chronological order  
> -a vague timeline for the fic: middle of first term - end of second term  
> -no honorifics (for the most part) between the characters because the fic takes place in america!  
> -any dialogue in italics means sicheng is speaking chinese to whoever it is that he's talking to (kun, probably)
> 
> (fic is not edited!)

This thing that they have—this thing that they’re doing—it was supposed to be a one-time thing. A joke. Something that wasn’t supposed to continue for as long as it does.

“So.” Jungwoo slams his trays down, causing Sicheng to flinch. “Are you ready to admit your feelings yet?”

Sicheng stares. Jungwoo stares back. Doyoung and Kun join them in the meantime, sitting next to them and conversing amongst themselves. Neither of them pay any attention to the disaster that is Sicheng and the chaos that is Jungwoo, and Sicheng would really be more offended by the lack of attention if he weren’t so focused on Jungwoo.

“What?” Sicheng asks, breaking the silence between him and Jungwoo. Jungwoo squints.

“My entire department is convinced that you and Jaehyun are dating still. Not to mention you guys still go around acting like a couple.” Jungwoo’s tone is only mildly accusing. Just a little. “Care to explain? I thought you told us that it was just a joke to get some people off his back. I saw you two holding _hands_ yesterday. Nobody was there to flirt with Jaehyun, so how do you explain _that_ , huh?”

“It was,” Sicheng says slowly. “Supposed to be a thing to get people off his back, I mean. We’re not actually dating.”

And it’s true. He and Jaehyun weren’t dating, not for real, at least. Jaehyun had a problem where people would confess to him repeatedly despite him saying that he wasn’t interested, and at times even uncomfortable, so Sicheng had stepped in to put a stop to all the uncomfortable flirting in hopes of saving his best friend’s ass.

It had backfired, and now half their university thinks that they’re really dating, and Sicheng is confused.

“Right.” Jungwoo doesn’t look convinced. Sicheng doesn’t blame him. “So it’s just a joke, then? Because it doesn’t seem like it based on what I’ve been told by like, everyone around us.”

Sicheng narrows his eyes. “What have people been telling you?”

Doyoung jumps in, deeming that their conversation is worth his time now. “I heard he walks you to all of your classes,” he says.

“Actually, where is Jaehyun right now?” Kun asks, looking around the dining hall. “You usually eat lunch together, don’t you? I was surprised to see you eating alone.”

“He’s meeting with some people in his lecture for a group project,” Sicheng tells him. “We don’t always eat lunch together, you know.”

Jungwoo taps the table with his knuckles, bringing the attention back to himself. “Okay, but do you or do you not spend every waking moment together? Excluding the times you guys are in class, obviously.”

“We don’t—”

“Jaehyun picks Sicheng up from his dorms so they can walk to class together,” Doyoung says as if he’s reporting to a teacher.

“They take turns walking each other home,” Kun adds.

Jungwoo picks up his spoon and hits it against his tray like a gavel. “The court has found Sicheng Dong guilty of dating Jaehyun Jeong. Court is adjourned.”

“What the fuck,” Sicheng deadpans. “We’re not dating. I am not dating Jaehyun.”

Doyoung turns to stare at Sicheng. “But you like him, don’t you?” It’s a question; it’s definitely phrased like a question. But something about the way Doyoung is looking at him tells Sicheng that Doyoung already knows the answer, whether Sicheng is ready to admit it or not. “You like Jaehyun.”

“Water is wet,” Jungwoo says.

Kun looks up at that. “Actually—”

“Shh,” Jungwoo shushes Kun and gestures towards Doyoung and Sicheng. “Our Sicheng is about to have his gay awakening. Let me have this.”

“You like Jaehyun,” Doyoung repeats himself when he sees Sicheng’s blank expression. “Yes or no.”

Sicheng snaps out of it and squints. “Maybe.” Admitting that he may or may not like his best friend would mean giving Doyoung leverage, and Sicheng is too smart to do that. “Maybe.”

“It’s a yes or no question.” Jungwoo rolls his eyes. “Don’t be a coward, Sicheng, and just admit that you’re pining after your best friend and go.”

“I am not pining,” Sicheng hisses. “Shut up, Jungwoo. What about you, huh? What was that freshman’s name again? Mark, was it? How are things going with him?”

That shuts Jungwoo up, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment at the mention of his crush on the freshman. Sicheng smirks. He’s won this round, then.

“Are you going to answer my question?” Doyoung asks, sounding bored.

“I already did,” Sicheng grunts. Doyoung snorts, which should not sound as attractive as it does, but this is Doyoung Kim that they’re talking about. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Doyoung raises his hands in mock surrender. “And have some respect for your elders, brat.” He checks his watch and packs up his lunchbox. “I have to get to the lab. Have fun pining after Jaehyun, Sicheng. Hope you don’t have to pine for too long.”

“I’m not pining,” Sicheng says hotly, his voice a tad too loud for the relatively empty dining hall. Some students turn towards him thanks to his outburst, and Sicheng shrinks in his seat. “I’m not,” he repeats, with feeling.

Kun lets out a long withering sigh and starts cleaning up his area as well. “Right,” he says, sounding like he definitely believes Sicheng. “Sure you’re not. I’ll see you later. Don’t forget Ten wants to hang out this weekend, so you better not ditch us for Jaehyun.”

Sicheng lets out a wounded noise, because how dare Kun accuse Sicheng of such a thing. It’s a ridiculous accusation, too, seeing how Jaehyun is quite literally part of their friend circle. Sicheng wouldn’t ditch them to hang out with Jaehyun, and he definitely wouldn’t have forgotten Ten wanting to hang out together. “I didn’t forget—”

“He totally forgot,” Jungwoo snickers.

Okay, so maybe Sicheng _had_ forgotten, but in his defense, he had been swamped with projects for the better half of the month. Sue him. “Whatever. Just text me the details later, or something.”

“I will.” Kun gives him a little salute and pats Jungwoo on the head. Doyoung just shakes his head and waves before walking off with Kun.

Sicheng and Jungwoo sit in silence for a few minutes, staring at their half-finished lunches and wondering how Doyoung and Kun had finished eating so fast.

“So.” It’s Jungwoo who breaks the silence, and Sicheng warily looks up from his lunch. “How’s the pining going so far?”

“I’m not pining after Jaehyun, god dammit!”

\- ♪ -

This is how it all starts:

Sicheng is at the café inside the student center, waiting for Jaehyun to join him. He’s in the middle finishing up making his study cards when Jaehyun finally arrives, looking like he’s eaten a sour lemon.

“What’s up with you?” Sicheng asks in lieu of greeting. Jaehyun just grunts and sits in the seat across from Sicheng, taking out his laptop. Something in him clicks when Sicheng studies Jaehyun’s uncomfortable expression, and his mind reminds him of when their group had gone out to eat and Jaehyun had been the victim of some very unfortunate, persistent flirting. “Ah, another person asked you out?”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun runs his fingers through his hair and sighs, looking a bit resigned. “I’m flattered and all, and I don’t want to be a dick about it, but I just wish people would get the hint, you know? It’s the same few people asking me out all the time, and I even tell them how uncomfortable I am with their constant flirting, but they never listen.”

“Oh.” Sicheng frowns in sympathy. Fortunately for him, the few people who have asked him out over the years backed off when he told them that he wasn’t interested. Not everyone is that lucky, though, and it seems that Jaehyun is one of the unlucky ones. “Just tell them you’re taken, or something.”

“By who?”

Sicheng thinks for a moment. “Me,” he says. He regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth, and he freezes while Jaehyun turns to him in surprise.

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows, looking contemplative, while Sicheng wants to go dig a hole and crawl into it and never come out. Maybe if he asks nicely, Kun will bring him some food every now and then.

“Huh.” Jaehyun crosses his arms, leaning back in his chair. “You know, that might work.”

“Wait.” Sicheng feels a flare of panic. “What?”

“Would you mind?” Jaehyun asks. “It would only be for a bit. I mean, we don’t even have to do anything, really. I’ll just tell them that I have a boyfriend if they ask me out again, and if they ask me who I’ll tell them it’s you. If they don’t ask, though, I won’t.”

There are a lot of things that can go wrong with this. Sicheng’s seen the movies; read the books. He knows exactly what two friends pretending to date can lead to, and Sicheng doesn’t think he has the energy to deal with Feelings™ right now. Not when he has his classes and internships to worry about.

“If it makes you uncomfortable, then I won’t,” Jaehyun continues. “Making you uncomfortable is the last thing I want to do.”

Sicheng purses his lips. “I don’t mind,” he says slowly. “Like you said, we won’t have to do much anyways, right? Just tell whoever asks that we’re dating to get them off your back, right?”

“Right.” Jaehyun frowns slightly. “Are you sure? I can find another way. Besides, they’ll get tired of getting rejected eventually, right?” He laughs nervously, running his fingers through his hair again. A nervous tick of his—one that Sicheng’s noticed from the years of knowing Jaehyun.

“It’s okay.” Sicheng shrugs. “Seriously, Jaehyun. I’m happy to help. Next time they ask you out on a date, tell them that your boyfriend is growing unhappy with them.” He smirks. “And that he’s 100% the jealous type.”

Jaehyun smiles brightly; it’s a genuine smile, and one that seems to be reserved for Sicheng and Sicheng only. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“Oh, I know. You definitely owe for this.”

“Of course.” Jaehyun laughs. “Anything you want, Sicheng, and it’s yours.”

“Don’t regret your words, Jeong,” Sicheng warns jokingly. “I’ll take everything.”

Jaehyun’s expression softens. “That’s fine, too. What’s mine is yours now, I guess, _boyfriend_.”

If Sicheng’s heart flutters at Jaehyun’s words, that’s for him to know, and for his friends to never find out. He returns Jaehyun’s smile the best he can, hoping that his nervousness doesn’t show. Jaehyun just beams and continues to set up his laptop and notebooks so that he can start studying. Sicheng also forces himself to turn his attention back to his study cards, though he can’t bring himself to focus and retain any information.

 _Oh_ , he thinks to himself. _What did I just get myself into._

Sicheng is fucked. So, _so_ fucked.

\- ♪ -

News of them dating spreads _fast_ in the Asian community on campus. Sicheng didn’t even know that Jaehyun had started telling people that they’re dating until Minghao, a friend from one of his painting classes, asks him about it during class.

“Hey.” Minghao casually greets him with a nod of his head. “Congratulations.”

Sicheng gives him a blank stare. “Uh, thanks? About what, though? Because if this is about Chaeyeon and I running into each other and spilling paint all over our projects, I don’t want to hear it—”

“What? No.” Minghao frowns. “Dude, that sucks. I’m not talking about that, though. I heard you and Jaehyun are finally together?”

“Oh.” A pause, then, “Wait, what?”

Minghao stares. “You and Jaehyun. You guys are dating, right? Everyone in CSA and KSA were talking about it.”

Oh, right. That had been a thing that they agreed on. “Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah, we’re dating.”

“Um.” Minghao gives him a weird look. “You don’t seem so sure.”

“I’m sure.” Sicheng waves Minghao’s comment off, though it hits a little too close to home for comfort. “I’m still trying to get used to it, I guess. Calling him my boyfriend.” He trails off with an awkward laugh, hoping that Minghao doesn’t notice.

Minghao nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think I get it. Anyways, congrats again. I’m glad you two finally got your shit together.”

It’s then that Sicheng realizes the implications of Minghao’s words. “Wait, what do you mean finally?”

“I mean…” Minghao frowns. “You and Jaehyun have been flirting for a while, haven’t you? I honestly thought you guys were dating already until Seokmin told me that you’re just friends. I usually have a good eye for these things, so I was surprised to hear that you weren’t dating. But hey! Look at you guys now. You’re dating.”

He grins at Sicheng, giving him a thumbs up. Sicheng smiles back weakly and returns Minghao’s thumbs up with one of his own. “Yeah. Look at us now, I guess.”

His discomfort goes unnoticed by Minghao, thankfully, who waves and goes off to his station to work on his own projects. Sicheng stares at his canvas which is, for the most part, blank.

“God,” he breathes out. “What the fuck.”

\- ♪ -

“Jungwoo is mad at you,” is the only warning Sicheng gets from Kun before someone is jumping onto his back, sending them both tumbling onto the ground.

“What the fuck,” he groans, trying to shove the offender off of him. “What the—Jungwoo?!”

“I can’t believe you guys didn’t tell us,” Jungwoo screeches. Sicheng winces at the volume of Jungwoo’s voice, covering his ears with his hands. “I’ve been waiting for you and Jaehyun to get together for _years_ and you don’t even have the decency to tell me that you’re dating—?!”

“Stop yelling,” Sicheng hisses, rushing forward to cover Jungwoo’s mouth with his hands. “Can you _be_ any louder? I don’t think they quite heard you over in Alaska.”

Doyoung joins the three of them, pausing to eye Sicheng and Jungwoo with disinterest before turning towards Kun. “Where’s Jaehyun? And Ten?”

“Ten got stuck tutoring some of the freshmen in his lab,” Kun answers. “Jaehyun’s just late.”

“Jaehyun is a _traitor_ , that’s what he is,” Jungwoo hisses from the floor. Sicheng kicks at him and untangles himself from Jungwoo, getting up and dusting himself off.

Doyoung’s face contorts into one of confusion. “Why is Jaehyun a traitor?”

“Didn’t you hear, Doie?” Kun looks way too amused for someone who’s already been filled in on the situation by Sicheng himself. “Sicheng and Jaehyun are _dating_ ,” he says gleefully.

Understanding floods Doyoung’s eyes and his mouth forms a little ‘o’. “Right. I did hear about that. Congratulations, Sicheng. Hope Jaehyun doesn’t drive you insane too much.”

“How can you slander me when I’m not even here to defend myself?” Someone complains from behind them. They sling an arm around Sicheng’s shoulders, who turns and sees that it’s Jaehyun. “You’re cruel, Doyoung. So cruel.”

“Har, har,” Doyoung says in the flattest tone Sicheng has ever heard. “So sorry for talking shit behind your back; I’ll be sure to do it to your face next time.”

Sicheng snorts, covering his mouth when Jaehyun pouts at him. “At least he’s honest,” Sicheng tries. “Give him credit where it’s due.”

“Hey, you’re supposed to defend me,” complains Jaehyun. “I thought that’s what boyfriends are supposed to do.”

Sicheng tries not to roll his eyes but fails.

“Since when?” Jungwoo demands, pushing past Doyoung who grunts in surprise. “How could you keep this a secret from me, huh?”

Kun pulls Jungwoo away from them by the back of his shirt. “Behave,” he tells Jungwoo in a bored voice. “So, how long?”

Sicheng and Jaehyun glance at each other. “We’ll explain during dinner?” Jaehyun offers. “What are we eating?”

“Taeyong’s cooking,” replies Doyoung, distracted by something on his phone. “I think he said he’s making pasta. Are we all going in one car?”

“Sicheng and I will meet you guys there,” Jaehyun says. He lets his arm drop to take Sicheng’s hand in his instead, and Sicheng jolts, staring down at their intertwined fingers with wide eyes. “See you guys in a bit.”

Thankfully, both Doyoung and Kun are there to hold Jungwoo back when he tries to go after them, and Jaehyun pulls Sicheng away before Jungwoo can free himself from their clutches. Sicheng waves goodbye and lets himself be pulled out of the building and towards the parking lot.

Neither of them talk until Jaehyun finishes pulling up the directions to Taeyong’s apartment and backs out of the parking lot. “So,” Jaehyun begins. “What do you want to tell them?”

“We should tell them the truth,” Sicheng says. “It’s not like they’ll tell anyone, so I think it would be best to just tell them what’s going on.”

“Doyoung’s going to call me an idiot,” Jaehyun muses. “Which is fair.”

Sicheng snorts. “He’s going to call me an idiot, too, so don’t worry. You’re not alone, _boyfriend_.”

Jaehyun laughs at that. “Two idiots pretending to date. What could go wrong, honestly?”

Yeah, Sicheng inwardly grimaces. What _could_ go wrong?

Lots of things could go wrong, his mind helpfully supplies him, but Sicheng ignores the rational side of his brain. Lots of things could go wrong, yeah, but Sicheng will gladly ignore the consequences and focus on the now, thank you.

They arrive at Taeyong’s apartment before everyone else, heading up to the third floor via stairs since the elevator at Taeyong’s building is always broken.

“Hey.” Taeyong greets them with a smile when he opens the door. “Food is almost done. Where are the rest of the idiots?”

“On their way,” Sicheng answers as he takes off his shoes. “We came in separate cars.”

Taeyong nods. “Okay. Make yourselves comfortable. Do you want anything to drink?”

Jaehyun, who’s already raiding Taeyong’s refrigerator, yells, “Sicheng, do you want juice or water? Or beer?”

“Just water is fine,” Sicheng calls back. He gives Taeyong an apologetic smile when he sees Taeyong rolling his eyes at how Jaehyun walks around like it’s his home. Which, in retrospect, is fair considering how much time they all spend at Taeyong’s apartment. It’s practically a second home for a lot of them at this point. Even Sicheng sometimes chooses to come over to draw instead of going to one of the art studios or his dorm.

“I heard the news, by the way.” Taeyong nudges Sicheng’s side with his elbow, an easy smile on his face. “Congrats.”

“Um.” Sicheng doesn’t really know what to say. “About that…”

He’s saved by the door— _literally_ , because Jungwoo slams Taeyong's front door open with a loud, “I’m here, peasants!” and Sicheng winces for Taeyong’s wall. And door knob.

Taeyong has a pinched expression on his face as he walks over to scold Jungwoo for being too loud. Jaehyun emerges from the kitchen with a piece of bread in his mouth, which Sicheng steals a tiny piece from and pops it into his own. Jaehyun hands him a water bottle, not fazed at all from Sicheng stealing his food.

“You know we’re about to eat dinner, right?” Sicheng asks as they walk over to the couch. Taeyong scolding Jungwoo for his volume is almost a daily occurrence, and neither of them are too interested in staying to listen. “Why are you eating bread?”

Jaehyun shrugs. “Hungry. I wasn’t super hungry before, but it smells really good in the kitchen so I took bread.”

The explanation is _so_ Jaehyun that Sicheng can’t even bring himself to scold him for eating before dinner. He’s sure that Taeyong will do that if he catches Jaehyun with the bread, anyways.

Doyoung joins them on the couch while Kun and Jungwoo join Taeyong in the kitchen—Kun to help Taeyong cook dinner while Jungwoo tries to steal a bite or two, no doubt. Doyoung grabs the remote from the coffee table and flips to one of the few Korean channels that they’ve managed to find while mindlessly surfing through the channels. “Taeyong,” he calls out. “Jaehyun’s eating your bread.”

“What?!”

Jaehyun quickly stuffs the rest of the bread into his mouth, chewing frantically and swallowing it with the help of Sicheng’s water, which he steals. “No I’m not,” he chokes out when Taeyong emerges from the kitchen with an angry expression. “Doyoung is lying. He’s full of lies.”

“Sicheng?” Taeyong turns to stare Sicheng down, who freezes. “Was Jaehyun eating bread?”

He gives Jaehyun an apologetic look before nodding. “Yeah,” Sicheng confirms. “He was.”

“Sicheng,” Jaehyun whines, draping himself over Sicheng and looping his arms around Sicheng’s neck. “How could you? The betrayal. I can’t believe this.”

“Oh, hush, you drama queen.” Sicheng doesn’t have to see to know that Doyoung probably rolled his eyes. “Why would you even eat bread before dinner? Taeyong’s _cooking_.”

“I was hungry,” Jaehyun grumbles into Sicheng’s neck, who squirms at the ticklish sensation. Jaehyun just tightens his grip around Sicheng’s neck in response.

Dinner is ready soon, and they squish themselves around Taeyong’s tiny dining table. Sicheng thinks they should just eat in the living room, but none of them really want to sit on the floor so they make do by sitting really, _really_ close to each other instead.

As always, the first half of their dinner is them stuffing their faces with food. Taeyong’s cooking never disappoints, and Sicheng almost sobs at eating a home cooked meal for the first time all semester. Once everyone is satisfied, the conversations pick up as they catch each other up on their lives and whatever interesting gossip they’ve heard through the grapevine.

“Ten is going to cry for missing this,” Kun snickers. “I sent him a picture and he’s cursing himself for taking up that TA position for lab.”

“I packed some away for him in a Tupperware,” Taeyong says. “Can you bring it to him for me?”

Kun nods, typing something in his phone; most likely letting Ten know that Taeyong prepared a share for him judging by the way Kun laughs quietly. Sicheng smiles; it’s nice to see his friends happy.

“So.” Doyoung takes a slice of apple from the plate. “Who wants to address the elephant in the room?”

Sicheng and Jaehyun hold a silent conversation between the two of them while everyone else glances around the room. Jaehyun tilts his head, raising an eyebrow, asking him without words if he wants to bring it up. Sicheng shakes his head, jerking his head towards Jaehyun, who nods.

“So,” Jaehyun starts, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. He takes Sicheng’s hand with his free one, gripping it tightly in reassurance. Reassurance for what, though, Sicheng doesn’t know. “I’m sure you guys have all heard the news, right?”

“Right.” Jungwoo gives them both a joking glare. “Care to explain?”

“We aren’t dating,” Jaehyun reveals. “Not for real, at least.”

Silence envelopes the apartment. Sicheng can see the cogs turning in all of their friend’s minds, and he tries not to squirm. Jaehyun gives his hand another squeeze, and Sicheng now understands why Jaehyun had taken his hand in the first place.

“What does that even mean,” Doyoung deadpans. “You guys are fake dating, then?”

“Pretty much.” Jaehyun shrugs, trying to put on a faux air of bravado and failing. “You know how some people at school kept pestering me for dates?”

“Harrassing you for one, more like,” Jungwoo mutters under his breath.

“Yeah, exactly. They wouldn’t stop no matter how much I told them no, so Sicheng and I came up with this as the solution. It’s not the best idea we’ve ever had, I’ll admit that, but at least it got some of them to back off for now.” Jaehyun sighs, sitting up to rub his eyes. “It’s stupid, we already know, so don’t say anything, Doyoung.”

Doyoung raises his hands in mock surrender. “I wasn’t going to. You two know what you’re doing though, right?”

“Right.” Sicheng nods. “We know what we’re doing.”

“It’s just going to be a one-time thing, anyways,” Jaehyun adds. “Probably.”

Somehow, nobody at the table seems too convinced, but none of them push. Instead, they accept the explanations that were given to them and move onto the next topic, which is apparently Jungwoo’s crush on one of the freshmen their group has adopted.

Later, when Sicheng is helping Taeyong put the dishes away, Kun approaches him.

“ _You’ll tell me if you need anything, right_?” he asks quietly. It takes a second for Sicheng to realize that Kun’s talking in Chinese so that nobody can understand them. “ _Sicheng_?”

“ _Yeah, I will,_ ” Sicheng replies. “ _Don’t worry,_ _ge_.”

“ _Don’t do anything you’ll regret._ ” Kun seems to see right through Sicheng and his feelings, as always, and Sicheng feels oddly exposed. “ _Be careful._ ”

“ _I’m always careful_ ,” Sicheng mumbles in protest. Kun just gives him a knowing look and walks away to join the rest in the living room, where they’re setting up Taeyong’s Wii to play Mario Kart.

He’s always been the more cautious one, in his family and also his friend group. But this time, Sicheng can’t help but feel he’s bitten off more than he can chew, and that eventually, things will spiral out of his control.

(He’s 100% going to regret this later, Sicheng can already hear Kun’s “I told you so.” But then Jaehyun looks up at him when Sicheng joins everyone else in the living room and gives him a soft smile, and Sicheng can’t bring himself to care about the possible aftermath of all this. Not when Jaehyun is looking at him like that.)

\- ♪ -

If he is being honest, Sicheng didn’t expect to have to pretend to be dating Jaehyun for so long. He had thought that it would just be a one-time thing, and that word would spread enough that they don’t have to do anything else. But of course, things never go the way he expects it to, and Sicheng finds himself staring at none other than Jaehyun’s (supposedly) biggest admirer.

“So.” The admirer eyes him up and down, not bothering to hide their distaste. “You’re Jaehyun’s boyfriend?”

“Uh, yes.” Sicheng narrows his eyes. The situation is very much unpleasant, and he just wants to get some coffee before locking himself in the art studio. “Do you need something, or can I go?”

“Why?” they blurt out, and Sicheng has to pause. “Why you? Why not, I don’t know, me?”

Sicheng studies them, noting the way they squirm when the silence stretches on for longer than what’s comfortable, Sicheng is sure. “Do you know how Jaehyun likes his coffee?” he asks, finally breaking the silence. “His favorite color? What he likes to do in his free time? His favorite places to go to study or relax?”

They’re visibly shocked at Sicheng’s questions, opening their mouths to answer but coming up short. Sicheng smirks, feeling smug.

“That’s why,” Sicheng answers their question. “Well, no, this isn’t the only reason Jaehyun’s dating me and not you. There are definitely a lot more reasons, but you don’t have to know them. Maybe instead of admiring someone for what you only see on the outside, you should get to know the person instead of continuously confessing to them and hoping that they’ll accept it if you tire them out enough.

“Oh, and also.” Sicheng turns back, facing Jaehyun’s admirer one last time. “Stop asking my boyfriend out for a date, please. I don’t know if he told you, but I’m definitely the jealous type, and I don’t appreciate you trying to seduce my boyfriend, thanks.”

He walks away after that, a spring in his step as he skips towards the student center for a well-deserved cup of coffee.

\- ♪ -

“Careful, your gay is showing,” Jungwoo whispers. Sicheng flinches, turning away from where he had been watching Jaehyun walk off to his class after dropping Sicheng off at the fine arts building.

“What are you doing here?” Sicheng frowns. He knows for a fact that Jungwoo doesn’t have a single class in this building this semester, having finished up his fine arts GE’s during his freshman year.

Jungwoo shrugs. “Dropped off Mark. He has Intro to Music Theory right now.”

Of course. Sicheng tries to hold back his snort. He’s unable to keep the amusement off his face, though, if Jungwoo’s petulant pout is anything to go by. “Cute. Doesn’t explain why you’re still here, bothering me, though.”

“Maybe I want to spend time with one of my closest friends.” Jungwoo bats his eyelashes, looping his arm around Sicheng’s and holding him hostage.

“I have class,” Sicheng says in desperation to get away from Jungwoo.

“No you don’t,” Jungwoo counters. “I already checked with Jaehyun. He sent me your schedule, and I know for a fact that you don’t have any more classes for the day.”

Sicheng groans, cursing Jaehyun for exposing his schedule to this demonic child. “What do you want?”

“Oh, nothing,” Jungwoo says. “Just want to have a little chat. Where’s your studio?”

He doesn’t trust Jungwoo; not one bit. But his arm is currently being held hostage, so Sicheng doesn’t have a choice but to lead Jungwoo to the studio that he’s currently using along with a few other classmates.

“What did you want to talk about?” Sicheng asks as he gets to work setting up his area. Jungwoo makes himself comfortable in the corner closest to Sicheng, and Sicheng hands him a cushion to sit on. “The floor is uncomfortable. Use this.”

“Thanks.” Jungwoo takes the cushion and sits on top of it. “Is anyone going to be coming in?”

Sicheng checks the time on his phone. Most of the people he’s sharing the studio with are in class right now, and he knows that Minghao is at his part time job. “Probably not. Is it something you don’t want other people to hear?”

Jungwoo scrunches his nose. “It doesn’t really matter to me, but _you_ probably wouldn’t want anyone else hearing.”

Ah, so it’s about him and Jaehyun then, Sicheng realizes. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Jungwoo stretches, getting into a more comfortable position and taking out a book from his bag. “How are things with you two?”

“Um. Fine, I guess?” Sicheng hesitantly replies. “The same, I guess?”

Jungwoo hums. “You like him, right? And don’t try to avoid the question this time.” He frowns. “I’m not trying to be nosy or anything for the sake of it. You’re my friend, Sicheng, and I care about you.”

Sicheng shouldn’t be too surprised at Jungwoo’s words. Underneath all his teasing and tendency for chaos, Jungwoo cares for his friends and will go great lengths to see them happy, after all.

That doesn’t mean Sicheng is ready to admit anything, though, and so he shakes his head. “No. I don’t like Jaehyun. Not like that, at least. We’re seriously only doing this so people stop bothering him about going on dates with them.”

Jungwoo stays silent, looking contemplative as Sicheng finishes mixing his paints. His canvas is still woefully blank, and if he doesn’t get creative soon, Sicheng is going to fail his painting class.

It’s not until Sicheng has sketched a vague outline that he’s sure he won’t follow that Jungwoo speaks up again. “You know it’s okay if you like Jaehyun like that, right? Like, you know that nobody’s going to say anything to you if you do?”

Sicheng glances over to where Jungwoo is sitting before turning his gaze back to his canvas. “I know,” he replies. “But I’m not lying. Jaehyun’s just a friend.”

“If you’re sure,” Jungwoo says, sounding unconvinced. It seems to be a recurring thing in Sicheng’s life, where people don’t sound very convinced at whatever it is that Sicheng is trying to tell them. “Have fun silently pining after your best friend, I guess.”

“I’m not pining after Jaehyun,” Sicheng complains.

“Whatever you say, Sicheng.”

“I’m not!”

\- ♪ -

Okay, so maybe Sicheng is pining just a little bit. He just thinks it’s unfair how Jaehyun is good looking, has dimples, is smart as hell, and has a good personality to boot. God really took his time when making Jaehyun, and in Sicheng’s humble opinion, it shows.

But he hadn’t lied to Jungwoo when he said that the whole fake dating thing was supposed to be just a one-time thing. The most they had expected was that Jaehyun’s endless string of admirers would back off once hearing that Jaehyun is taken, but instead they now have what seems like the entire Asian community on campus talking about them. About how they’re dating.

So it had worked. The whole fake dating thing. It worked, and Sicheng is more than happy to help. He really is.

Except, now he has to deal with the fact that he may have caught feelings for his best friend and kind of wants them to date for real. Which is fine.

Sicheng is fine.

The revelation comes on a Tuesday night when he’s pulling an all-nighter in the art studio. Minghao is in the corner, dead to the world with cans of Red Bull forming what looks like a summoning circle around him. Chaeyeon is sitting at the desk on the other side of the room, also asleep with her head buried in her arms.

Sicheng is the last man standing, and he stares at his half-painted canvas in horror as it dawns him that he may or may not like his best friend for real.

“Oh, fuck,” he says softly but with feeling. “I think like Jaehyun.”

Saying it out loud somehow makes it feel even more real, and Sicheng hurries to take out his phone from his bag because he must tell Kun immediately, never mind the fact that it’s almost five in the morning and Kun is most likely asleep.

**Sicheng:** kun  
 **Sicheng:** sos  
 **Sicheng:** do i like jaehyun!????! **  
Sicheng:** did u know this

His messages go unread, as he had expected, so Sicheng throws his phone back onto his bag and slumps in his stool. He stares at his half-finished painting, which seems to stare at him back.

“I like Jaehyun,” he whispers into the abyss.

 _You are a fool,_ the abyss whispers back.

\- ♪ -

“Alright.” Kun brandishes a French fry, waving it around in the air. Doyoung dodges when it gets too close to his face, shoving Kun away while taking a French fry for himself. “What brought on this sudden revelation? The other day at lunch you were hellbent on never admitting your feelings.”

“I don’t know,” replies Sicheng, feeling helpless. “I was just painting, and bam! I suddenly realize that I think I like Jaehyun as more than just a friend, and now I’m confused.”

Doyoung squints. “And you had no idea? Like, none at all that you liked him?”

Sicheng hesitates. “Maybe I did? Just a little?”

“Well.” Doyoung raises an eyebrow. “Looks like you’re not a lost cause, then. So what are you going to do about it?”

Both Kun and Doyoung stare at him as they wait for Sicheng to answer, who wants to make a run for it despite having been the one to call Kun for emotional support. In his defense, though, he had only asked for Kun but somehow received a Doyoung as a “buy one get one free” kind of deal. Curse these 96-liners, Sicheng thinks to himself.

“Nothing?” Sicheng tries. “I mean, I’m pretty sure my crush is one-sided anyways, so I’m probably going to do nothing.”

“Oh, my God,” Doyoung mutters under his breath. Kun curses in Chinese which has Sicheng reeling back in horror.

“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” he demands. Kun ignores him.

“You’re an idiot,” Kun deadpans. “Seriously, Sicheng, I love you but I didn’t think you would be this… This… I don’t know.” He throws his arms up in the air, as if giving up on Sicheng and his apparent lack of brain cells. “Doyoung?”

“Stupid,” Doyoung offers. “Dense. Oblivious. Obtuse.”

“Yes, thank you.”

Sicheng scowls. “You guys suck.”

“How do you know that it’s one-sided?” Doyoung questions. Sicheng kind of feels like he’s being interrogated. “I can’t tell if you’re serious or playing dumb. Do you really think that Jaehyun doesn’t have any feelings for you?”

“I don’t think it,” Sicheng says, “I know he doesn’t. We’re friends, Doyoung. Best friends. The only reason we’re even pretending to date is to get people to stop flirting with him. It makes him uncomfortable, so I’m just trying to help out a friend.”

“Would you do the same for me?” Kun counters. “If I asked you to pretend to be my boyfriend, would you have agreed?”

Sicheng only hesitates for a split second, but that split second is all Doyoung needs.

“See?” Doyoung leans back, a smug expression on his face as he crosses his arms. “You wouldn’t.”

“I’m a little offended,” Kun snorts. “But then again, I don’t think I would turn to you for help for something like that.”

“You don’t even _need_ help,” Sicheng grumbles under his breath. “You have Ten. Everyone and their dogs know that the two of you are practically married at this point.”

Kun’s jaw drops just slightly but Doyoung waves Sicheng’s comment away. “We’ll deal with Kun and Ten _later_. Right now, we’re talking about you and Jaehyun, so don’t try to change the subject. No offense, Sicheng, but I always thought you were the more emotionally aware one out of our entire group. I guess I was wrong.”

“You really thought that when _you_ exist?” Kun raises an eyebrow. “You give Sicheng here too much credit. Did you know that in high school, somebody asked him if he would go out with them and he asked them where they wanted to go?”

Sicheng turns bright red at that while Doyoung clutches his stomach, doubling over in laughter. “You swore you wouldn’t tell anyone,” Sicheng hisses, banging a fist on the table. Kun doesn’t look fazed. “Kun!”

“Actually, I didn’t promise you anything.” Kun looks a tiny bit apologetic, at least. Just a little bit. “That was Dejun, but only because you bribed him with chicken nuggets to shut him up.”

“Did it work?” Doyoung asks, interested in the story.

“No, he told Hendery as soon as he got the chicken nuggets.”

Sicheng can’t believe his friends, sometimes. “I hate you all.”

“No you don’t.” Kun has a smug smile on his face. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have called us for help.” He pauses, eyebrows furrowing in thought for a second. “Well, you wouldn’t have called _me_ , at least. I’m not sure why Doyoung is even here.”

That makes the two of them, then, Sicheng thinks as both he and Kun turn to stare at Doyoung, who’s munching on the French fries.

“I came for the food,” Doyoung admits. “But I’m glad I tagged along so that I could knock some sense into this kid.”

“One year.” Sicheng scowls. “You two are older than me by _one_ year.”

“Schematics. Point is, you should look around your surroundings a little more, my dear little Sicheng.” Doyoung spreads his arms out on either side of him, hitting Kun’s chest, who falls back into his seat with a grunt. “You’re looking, but you’re not seeing.”

“What is that even supposed to mean?” Sicheng narrows his eyes. “What am I not seeing?” Neither Kun nor Doyoung answer him, opting to give each other exasperated looks. Sicheng scowls. “Guys? Answer me. What am I supposed to be looking for?”

“Oh, Sicheng.” Kun sighs dramatically. “So young. So naïve. You have so much to learn yet, young grasshopper.”

“You haven’t learned the intricacies of love yet,” Doyoung sniffs, and Sicheng kind of wants to hit him. “Don’t worry. I’m sure Jaehyun will be more than happy to teach you soon.”

This time, Sicheng doesn’t hesitate to fling the leftover French fries at Kun and Doyoung, ‘respecting your elders’ be damned. Sure, it ends up getting them kicked out of McDonald’s, but it had been worth Kun’s shrieks of surprise and Doyoung’s face of horror as the salted food landed on his favorite cardigan.

\- ♪ -

When Sicheng leaves the lecture hall, he finds Jaehyun leaning against the wall, waiting for him. Jaehyun has no business looking this good, Sicheng thinks. Especially not in the fine arts building so close to finals season, when all the students reek of despair and Red Bull.

He flinches when Jaehyun looks up from his phone and makes eye contact, trying in vain to keep his heart from speeding up. He watches as Jaehyun pushes him off the wall and walks towards him, an easy smile adorning his face.

“Hey,” Jaehyun greets, reaching out to take Sicheng’s bag before he can protest. “How was class?”

“Um.” Sicheng blinks, trying to regain his bearings. “It was okay. I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail this class. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jaehyun laughs at that, bringing attention to them from the people around them. Sicheng tries not to grimace at the stares. “Okay. We don’t have to talk about it, then.” Jaehyun gives him another smile and reaches down to take Sicheng’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. “Hungry?”

Sicheng hums, letting himself be pulled out of the building. “Not really. Are you?”

“Nah.” Jaehyun shakes his head. “Got stuck in lab to work out some last-minute stuff with Seokmin and Chan, so we grabbed a late lunch together afterwards. What are your plans for tonight?”

“I was going to hole myself up in the studio to finish up some projects,” Sicheng says.

“Were you planning on staying there until Monday?” Jaehyun shoots him an accusatory look, and Sicheng gives him a sheepish smile in return.

“Maybe?” he admits guiltily. “It’s not my fault though, okay? I have to finish three more paintings by the end of next week, and I haven’t even started on one of them.”

Jaehyun sighs, shaking his head. “Oh, Sicheng. Are you stuck?”

“A little bit,” Sicheng grumbles. “I’ve used up all my creative juices for the school year. I’m trying to squeeze something out of my last remaining brain cell but it’s not working so far. I’m better off than Eunwoo, at least. He totally scrapped two of his paintings because he didn’t like how they turned out, so he has two left to start and complete.”

“Art students scare me,” Jaehyun says to no one in particular. “I’ll let you free only after you take a nap and eat dinner, deal?”

Sicheng can’t bring himself to protest against taking a nap. “Okay, fine.”

They end up at Jaehyun’s dorm since his room is bigger, and Sicheng doesn’t need any prompting to shuffle towards Jaehyun’s bed and plop onto it facedown.

“Scoot over.” Jaehyun pats him on the butt, and Sicheng grunts, turning to his side and close to the wall so that Jaehyun can lay down too. “I’ll wake you up in an hour?”

“Sure.” Sicheng yawns. “If I don’t wake up, just leave me be. I’m going to stay up all night anyways so a couple more hours of sleep probably won’t make too much difference.”

Jaehyun has a disapproving expression on his face but doesn’t argue. He wraps an arm around Sicheng’s waist and pulls him towards his chest. Sicheng closes his eyes, shuffling forward to close the remaining distance and rests his head against Jaehyun’s chest.

He falls asleep to the feeling of Jaehyun’s heartbeat, a sense of security blanketing over him as Jaehyun’s arms around his waist tighten.


	2. Chapter 2

Sicheng’s parents make last minute plans to go visit their family in China, which means that he will be home alone for the most part during winter break. He doesn’t really mind since he’s used to living alone already. The main thing that he’s bummed out about is that his parents being in China will mean Sicheng will have to live off of take-out since he can’t cook to save his life, and he’s already lamenting the loss of his mother’s home-cooking.

Jaehyun had offered a room at his place, since his younger brother is going on a trip with his friends and his room is free, but Sicheng had declined. He’s met Jaehyun’s parents before, when he’d stayed over for a weekend once, and while they had seemed to enjoy his company, Sicheng doesn’t want to intrude for an entire month.

He’s also not sure if he’d be able to handle being with Jaehyun 24/7 for an entire month, and wants to take this time to figure out if his feelings are real or if they’re just a product of this whole mess he’s gotten himself into.

It’s not really fair to call it a _mess_ , since nothing bad has really come out of being Jaehyun’s fake boyfriend. In fact, nothing had really happened at all except for that one direct confrontation with Jaehyun’s biggest fan, as Jungwoo likes to dub them. Sicheng still doesn’t know their name, but he’s not really interested in finding out.

When Jaehyun had found out that the person had confronted Sicheng about it, he had been furious; more furious than Sicheng had ever seen him. He had only been placated when Sicheng told him exactly what happened during the exchange.

(Why Jaehyun had been so furious, Sicheng doesn’t know, but he doesn’t plan on finding out.)

He spends the first few days inside, catching up on the sleep he had lost during finals. His mother had left a couple of side dishes for him to eat, and it’s enough to last him those few days. He thanks his lucky stars that his mother knows him well enough to have left him dishes that don’t require too much work, only needing to be heated up.

After he finishes those side dishes, though, Sicheng is left to fend for himself, and he curses himself for never learning how to cook.

\- ♪ -

**Sicheng:** ge  
**Sicheng:** im hungry

 **Kun:** Nice to meet you, hungry. I’m Kun.

 **Sicheng:** did u just dad joke me

 **Kun:** What do you want, Sicheng

 **Sicheng:** i just told u  
**Sicheng:** im hungry

 **Kun:** What am I supposed to do about that

 **Sicheng:** feed me  
**Sicheng:** plz

 **Kun:** 🙄  
**Kun:** Pick me up in 15 minutes

 **Sicheng:** <333

\- ♪ -

They end up getting sushi to-go, bringing it back to Sicheng’s house to eat while watching a movie.

“What do you want to watch?” Sicheng asks once they’re done setting up the food on his coffee table. He pulls up Netflix on his TV, and offers the remote to Kun, who shakes his head.

“I don’t really care what we watch. Turn on anything,” he says.

Sicheng hums, scrolling through the selections before settling on the zombie movie starring Yoo Ah-In. “Do you want to watch _Alive_?”

Kun makes a face. “I don’t feel like watching zombies eat people while I’m eating sushi. Can we watch something else?”

In the end, they settle for _Haikyu!!_ because it’s the only thing that they can agree on. Neither of them say much outside of commentary about the episodes here, choosing to focus on their food instead. By the time they’re done eating, they’ve gone through two episodes.

It’s halfway through the third episode that Kun brings up the topic of Jaehyun again. “So, still convinced that your feelings are unrequited?”

Sicheng should’ve known that Kun would take the chance to bring this up stifles a groan. “Yes.”

“Seriously?” Kun turns towards him, a judging expression on his face. “You’re an idiot, you know that, right?”

“Right.” Sicheng can’t argue with that. He is an idiot; he knows. But he’d rather be an idiot and keep his expectations rock bottom than be hurt. “I know.”

Kun sighs, most likely aware of why Sicheng keeps denying it when people try to tell him that his feelings are most definitely returned. “Sometimes, it’s okay to have hope, you know that, right? It’s not a bad thing to have.”

And he does. He does know. The “ _Jaehyun won’t hurt you_ ” goes unsaid, but Sicheng knows that that’s what Kun means. He knows. He knows that Jaehyun won’t hurt him on purpose, but he still can’t help but want to keep his protective walls up if only to prevent him from setting himself up for disappointment. To protect setting _Jaehyun_ up for disappointment.

“I know,” Sicheng replies, keeping his eyes on the TV. “I know.”

He feels Kun staring at him for a couple of more seconds but refuses to avert his eyes from the TV. When Kun shifts closer so that their arms are touching each other, Sicheng doesn’t move, accepting the small gesture of comfort from his friend.

Sometimes, it’s better to protect yourself than to have his hopes be crushed, Sicheng thinks.

\- ♪ -

**he’s gay, your honor (6)**

**Jungwoo:** how is everyone on this fine, friday evening

 **Kun:** Jungwoo it’s 3am here

 **Jungwoo:** okay, and? ur awake, aren’t u?  
**Jungwoo:** answer my question

 **Doyoung:** go to sleep it's like 2am for you

 **Jungwoo:** I SAID ANSWER MY QUESTION!!!!

 **Sicheng:** i want to get drunk

 **Jaehyun:** lmao?

 **Jungwoo:** omg sicheng… i knew u would understand without me having to say anything  
**Jungwoo:** soulmates <3

 **Sicheng:** omg <3

 **Jaehyun:** wtf

 **Jungwoo:** lets get drunk together tomorrow

 **Doyoung:** you realize that most of us are in different parts of the country right now, right  
**Doyoung:** kun and sicheng are in new york  
**Doyoung:** jaehyun is in dc  
**Doyoung:** youre in chicago  
**Doyoung:** im in california  
**Doyoung:** ten is in fucking thailand right now

 **Sicheng:** omg im in

 **Doyoung:** .

 **Jungwoo:** i only trust sicheng in this household  
**Jungwoo:** havent u heard of FACETIME, old man

 **Doyoung:** maybe we should invite mark to join us

 **Jungwoo:** NO  
**Jungwoo:** im sry, mr kim doyoung, sir

 **Kun:** Lol  
**Kun:** Sure, why not? What time?

 **Jungwoo:** 7pm for me?

 **Sicheng:** kun what time is that for us

 **Kun:** 8pm  
**Kun:** Sicheng, he’s only an hour behind us

 **Sicheng:** i never claimed to be smart  
**Sicheng:** ever

 **Jaehyun:** we know this, and we love u

 **Doyoung:** speak for yourself  
**Doyoung:** ive never met a sicheng before in my entire life

 **Sicheng:** >O

 **Doyoung:** also i am Not going to start drinking at 5pm  
**Doyoung:** choose a later time

 **Jungwoo:** ughhhh doyoung ur so boringggg  
**Jungwoo:** ok fine  
**Jungwoo:** 9pm for me, but thats the latest ill go  
**Jungwoo:** otherwise ill just get drunk BY MYSELF

 **Doyoung:** fine  
**Doyoung:** ill just watch for a bit, then before joining you

 **Sicheng:** kun what time is that for us

 **Kun:** Figure it out yourself

 **Jaehyun:** sicheng that’s 10pm for us

 **Sicheng:** thanks, baobei <3

 **Jaehyun:** ur welcome, baby <3

 **Doyoung:** spare me

 **Kun:** I’m going to bed

 **Jungwoo:** GAG!  
**Jungwoo:** OMG WE SHOULD PLAY SKRIBBL WHILE WE’RE DRUNK

 **Jungwoo:** guys?

 **Jungwoo:** hello?

 **Jungwoo:** OMG DID U GUYS ALL LEAVE ME TO SLEEP!!!!!!

 **Jungwoo:** >:((

\- ♪ -

It doesn’t take Sicheng much to get drunk, and he finds himself laughing at Doyoung’s attempts of drawing a turkey.

“That’s,” Jaehyun wheezes. “That’s not what a turkey looks like. Have you ever seen one, Doyoung? Do you not know what they look like?”

Sicheng can’t even join in the teasing because he’s too busy trying to breathe. Doyoung huffs, static crackling in Sicheng’s ears causing him to flinch.

“I know what turkeys look like,” he snaps. “This is what they look like! My drawing is good, okay?”

“Doyoung,” Jungwoo says seriously. “My two-year-old cousin draws better than you.”

Doyoung’s jaw drops and gives Jungwoo the most offended look Sicheng has ever seen on anyone, and that causes him to burst out into a new round of laughter. Kun, who hadn’t been drinking, just observes them all with a fond expression.

“Oh, I’m out of wine.” Sicheng pouts at his empty bottle. “Hold on, I’m going to grab some soju.”

“Should you drink more?” He hears Kun ask in worry, but Sicheng ignores him in favor of stumbling into the kitchen to take the bottle of soju out of the refrigerator. He’s so glad that he has the house to himself, because Sicheng isn’t sure how approving his parents would be of his drinking habits at the moment.

“Back,” Sicheng announces as if they can’t see him through the camera on his phone. “Look, I got the grape flavor one!”

“That’s the best one.” Jungwoo nods in approval. “You have taste, Sicheng.”

Sicheng giggles, opening the bottle and chugging a third of it one go. “Are we playing again?”

“Yup.” Jungwoo starts the next round, and it isn’t long before they’re all collapsing with giggles again thanks to Doyoung’s drawings. By the time the game is over, Sicheng’s soju bottle is empty, and he already knows that he won’t remember much of the night when he wakes up in the morning.

“Sicheng,” Kun warns. “Drink some water. You too, Jungwoo.” He doesn’t say anything to Doyoung or Jaehyun, who had opted to drink casually instead of trying to get drunk like Sicheng and Jungwoo.

“ _Ge_ ,” Sicheng slurs. He doesn’t register that he’s switched to Chinese. “ _Kun ge_. _Guess what_?”

“Hey, no fair,” Jungwoo complains. “I won’t understand you if you’re speaking Chinese!”

Sicheng ignores him and calls for Kun again. “ _Ge, answer me,_ ” he whines.

“ _What is it_?” Kun asks. Sicheng notes that he’s responding in Chinese, which his drunk-self appreciates very much. “ _Sicheng_?”

“ _I like him so much_ ,” Sicheng sighs dreamily. He closes his eyes, resting his face on his hands and smiling. “ _I can’t believe how much I like him._ ”

“Oh, my God,” he hears Kun mutter. “This is unbelievable. _Then confess to him, you stupid egg. What’s the worst that could happen_?”

“ _I don’t know._ ” Sicheng scrunches his nose up in thought. What _was_ he so scared about, again? He can’t remember. Sicheng frowns a little. He doesn’t like this; he doesn’t want to have to think when he’s drunk. “ _Rejection, maybe? I’m not sure. I can’t really think right now_ ,” he giggles.

Doyoung cuts in. “Hey, we’re here too, you know. Nobody here can understand anything the two of you are saying,” he complains lightly, echoing Jungwoo’s words from earlier.

“Yeah.” Sicheng can hear the pout in Jaehyun’s voice. So cute. “Can we go back to English, please? I know I took Chinese for three years in high school, but I seriously didn’t retain a single thing.”

Sicheng giggles. “ _He’s so cute. My baobei is so cute, isn’t he, Kun ge? Jaehyun is so cute. My boyfriend. It’s so unfair how good looking he is, don’t you think?_ ”

“I heard Jaehyun’s name,” Jungwoo pipes up. “Are we talking about Jaehyun right now?”

“ _He confuses so much sometimes, though,_ ” Sicheng mumbles. “ _Why does he keep flirting with me? Does he know that I like him?_ ” He gasps, opening his eyes and staring at his laptop in mild horror. “ _Ge, do you think he knows that I like him? Oh, no. What if he knows? What should I do?_ ”

“ _Sicheng._ ” Kun sounds tired, and Sicheng frowns. “ _Maybe you should go to sleep before you say something you regret, yeah_?”

Sicheng pouts. “ _I’m not sleepy, though_. _You sound tired, though, ge. Maybe you should go to sleep instead._ ”

“ _Doesn’t matter. Go to bed. I’ll go to bed soon, too_.”

“ _Fine._ ” Sicheng sighs. “ _I’ll go to sleep_.”

“Everyone say good night to Sicheng,” Kun says. Sicheng isn’t listening, choosing to stare at Jaehyun. The connection quality isn’t very good, but Jaehyun still looks so good even through Sicheng’s tiny phone screen that it should be unfair.

“You’re going to sleep?” Jaehyun asks Sicheng, leaning in closer towards the camera. Sicheng wishes that he could pluck Jaehyun out of the frame so that he’d be here with him. So that he’d be here next to Sicheng right now. “Drink some water before you do, baby.”

“He just called Sicheng _baby_ ,” Jungwoo hisses to absolutely no one. “Why aren’t they dating for real, yet?”

Everybody ignores him. Sicheng waves goodbye at his friends, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. He trudges to the bathroom, having the sense to at least brush his teeth before he sleeps. Before getting into bed, he remembers Jaehyun telling him to drink water, so he goes back downstairs to grab a glass before getting into bed.

There’s a message from Kun waiting for him when he gets back to his room, but Sicheng feels too tired to open it. He’d read it tomorrow morning when he wakes up. Maybe if Kun is feeling nice enough, he’ll go out to eat with Sicheng so that he can get rid of the hangover he’s sure to have.

\- ♪ -

“How much of last night do you remember?” Kun asks in lieu of greeting when he comes over the next morning. Sicheng just grunts, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. “Oh, I guess I should ask you how your hangover is first, huh?”

“Why are you being so mean to me so early in the day?” Sicheng grumbles, accepting the plastic bag Kun holds out for him. “What is this?”

“Hangover soup,” Kun answers. He shrugs off his coat and drapes it over the back of Sicheng’s couch. “You’re welcome.”

Sicheng groans, trudging to his dining table to set the soup down. God, he loves Kun so much. “You’re the best. Will you marry me, Kun?”

“Absolutely not,” Kun rejects. He follows after Sicheng, heading towards the kitchen to grab some bowls. “There should be spoons inside the bag.”

It doesn’t take them long to divide the soup between themselves. Sicheng offers to make fried eggs as a side dish, but Kun quickly shoots down the offer by reminding Sicheng of what had happened the last time they allowed Sicheng to cook.

(Personally, Sicheng doesn’t think that it had been his fault that their curry ended up the way it did. Jungwoo had been the one with the bright idea of cooking without a recipe, claiming that cooking should be done based on _instinct_ , and it really isn’t Sicheng’s fault that they had accidentally dumped half a bag of salt into the curry.

Jungwoo is the devil child, and Sicheng had been the unfortunate scapegoat.)

They’re almost done with the food when Kun brings it up again. “So,” he starts, snapping his fingers to gain Sicheng’s attention. Sicheng looks up from where he had been idly scrolling through his Instagram feed and blinks. “How much of last night do you remember?”

Wincing at the memory of last night’s drunken adventures, Sicheng sets down his phone. “Honestly? Not much after Doyoung’s unfortunate turkey drawing and that bottle of soju, which was a mistake, by the way. God, remind me to never drink wine and soju together on the same night. Especially if I’m planning on finishing the entire bottle.”

Kun rolls his eyes. “I warned you, but did you listen? No. Anyways, you said some interesting stuff last night.”

Sicheng freezes. “What do you mean?”

“You know how when you get drunk, you switch over to Chinese?” Kun asks. When Sicheng nods hesitantly, he continues, “Well, you started rambling in Chinese about how much you like him and how cute he is,” Kun reveals. “And then you started crying about how he confuses you because he won’t stop flirting with you. It was kind of funny, I won’t lie.”

“I did no such thing,” Sicheng hisses. Maybe if he denies it enough, then it won’t be true. “Stop lying.”

“You also said something about how unfair it is that Jaehyun is ‘so good looking’,” Kun continues, ignoring Sicheng’s vehement denials and choosing to go back to finishing up his breakfast as if he hadn’t just told Sicheng that his worst nightmares have become a reality. How rude.

Sicheng is absolutely horrified.

“This is not happening,” Sicheng declares. “You’re lying to me. Stop lying, Kun, or I’ll Ten that you’re being mean to me.”

Kun gives him an unamused look. “Don’t act like Ten wouldn’t call you an idiot if he knew what was going on. Besides, why would I even lie about something like this, you stupid egg? You’re just lucky that no one else on the call understood Chinese. Did you know Jaehyun took Chinese in high school, by the way? I didn’t.”

Great. Now Sicheng is feeling even more horrified. “What the fuck.”

“Yeah. He said he doesn’t remember a single thing he learned, though.” Kun shrugs. “So I guess you’re in luck.”

“Oh, my God,” Sicheng whispers, staring into his soup with a lost expression. “This is the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

“Maybe you should, you know, talk to Jaehyun,” Kun suggests lightly, sipping on his water.

 _Maybe over my dead body_ , Sicheng thinks. As if sensing exactly what Sicheng is thinking, Kun crumples up his napkin and throws it at Sicheng’s face, cackling when it bounces off and lands in Sicheng’s soup.

Sicheng thinks he needs new friends.

\- ♪ -

**he’s gay, your honor (6)**

**Jungwoo:** [image]  
**Jungwoo:** doyoung’s “turkey” from last night

 **Doyoung:** die.

 **Jungwoo:** im still so confused  
**Jungwoo:** how is this a turkey? what is that black triangle thing in the corner?  
**Jungwoo:** i need answers

 **Doyoung:** shouldn’t you be hungover  
**Doyoung:** go deal with that instead of bothering me

 **Jungwoo:** i have never gotten a hangover in my entire life  
**Jungwoo:** u know this :P

 **Doyoung:** Die.

 **Jungwoo:** lmao

\- ♪ -

**Jaehyun:** babyyyy  
**Jaehyun:** when are you moving back to campus?

 **Sicheng:** next tuesday  
**Sicheng:** wbu?

 **Jaehyun:** omg same  
**Jaehyun:** are u coming back morning or night?

 **Sicheng:** night!

 **Jaehyun:** dinner? :)

 **Sicheng:** sure <3

 **Jaehyun:** okay!  
**Jaehyun:** see u soon <33

 **Sicheng:** <3

\- ♪ -

Winter break comes to an end too soon, and Sicheng inwardly cries at his course load this semester as he unpacks his clothes to dump into the laundry later. He had purposely moved in a few days early so that he’d have time to get settled while avoiding the annoying people in his dorm building while he does his laundry.

Once he’s done with the first load, he dumps them on top of his bed, not bothering to fold them since he’ll be hanging them up later anyways. He’s meeting Jaehyun for dinner, and he doesn’t want to be late.

When he leaves his dorm building, he finds that Jaehyun is waiting for him already. “When’d you get here?” Sicheng asks, walking up to him. “You should’ve messaged me. It’s cold.” He frowns, taking Jaehyun’s hands in his. HIs frown deepens when he feels how cold they are and brings them to his lips so he can blow hot hair on them. “Idiot.”

“I thought you were the idiot between us,” Jaehyun points out in amusement, letting Sicheng do as he pleases. Once he’s satisfied that Jaehyun’s hands won’t freeze off, he lets go, only for Jaehyun to reach out and take one of Sicheng’s hands back. “Doyoung is always calling you an idiot. So is Kun. Care to share why?”

Sicheng scowls, knowing exactly why, but doesn’t want to share with Jaehyun. Not yet, at least. Maybe never. “They’re slandering me.”

Jaehyun chuckles. “I’m sure they are. So, what do you want to eat? The dining halls are still closed since we moved in pretty early. Is there anything that you’re craving?”

“Hm.” Sicheng purses his lips in thought. “Pad Thai? That place just off campus is pretty good.”

“Okay. Let’s go, then.” Jaehyun doesn’t tug very hard, just slightly to get them moving, but Sicheng loses his balance and his eyes widen as he feels himself falling. “Whoa.” Jaehyun’s quick to steady him, wrapping his free arm around Sicheng’s waist and tightening the grip he has on Sicheng’s hand. “Are you okay?”

“Fuck,” Sicheng breathes. “I almost died.”

Jaehyun gives him a look. “No, you didn’t. But seriously, are you okay?”

“I'm okay.” Sicheng shivers. “Must be the campus. I came back and immediately felt despair. I’m cursed, Jaehyun. Cursed!”

“You and your theatrics,” Jaehyun sighs in exasperation, though there are definitely hints of fondness mixed in there, Sicheng swears. “Come on, you big baby. Let’s go get you some Pad Thai.”

Sicheng untangles his hand from Jaehyun’s choosing to loop their arms together instead. Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, just looks down at Sicheng in amusement before looking ahead again, and Sicheng smiles to himself.

He’s in an oddly giddy mood despite being back at school, and he’s pretty sure that it has to do with seeing Jaehyun in person for the first time in over a month. The time he spent away from Jaehyun physically just reaffirmed the fact that he definitely likes Jaehyun more than just a friend, and Sicheng wants to turn their fake relationship into something real.

But he won’t. Sicheng won’t risk their friendship for something as trivial as his feelings. He won’t. He _can’t_.

They stand at the corner of the sidewalk, waiting for the crosswalk signal to change, and Sicheng takes this chance to glance at Jaehyun again.

The lights from the crosswalk lamps form a tiny halo around Jaehyun, and while the yellow light should be unflattering to everyone, Sicheng is once again reminded of just how good looking Jaehyun is when not even the yellow shade of the lights can’t manage to hide his beauty.

As if feeling his stare, Jaehyun turns to look at Sicheng, tilting his head curiously. “Is there something on my face?” he asks, reaching up with his free hand to feel it.

“No.” Sicheng shakes his head. Feeling cheeky, he grins and leans forward just the slightest. He overshoots, though, and he can feel Jaehyun’s breath on his lips. “I was just admiring how good looking you are.”

Letting out a surprised huff of laughter, Jaehyun leans back a little, covering his mouth with his hand. His ears are turning red, though that could be attributed to the cold. “What’s gotten into you today, huh?”

Sicheng shrugs, turning to face the street again. He ignores the way his heart is pounding. “Nothing, really. Just happy to see you again, I guess.”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer for a bit, and Sicheng resists the urge to run back to his dorm. Something is causing his brain-to-mouth filter to malfunction, and he’s scared that he will say something he’s going to regret.

“Cute,” Jaehyun mumbles under his breath. Sicheng doesn’t think he was supposed to hear that, but he does anyway. Jaehyun doesn’t say anything else, just unloops their arm so he can grab Sicheng’s hand again.

Hand holding. Sicheng’s noticed that Jaehyun likes to hold his hand. A lot.

(He doesn’t mind. He likes holding Jaehyun’s hand too.)

The crosswalk signal finally changes and they cross the street. The Thai food place is just around the corner, and thanks to the campus still being virtually deserted, Sicheng and Jaehyun are seated without having to wait despite it being what is normally their busiest hour.

Jaehyun ends up ordering pho while Sicheng gets the Pad Thai, and they swap stories from their break while they wait.

“I ate so much when I was at my grandma’s house,” Jaehyun groans. “She just kept giving me food, and I just kept eating. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten that much in my entire life.”

Sicheng smiles at the image of Jaehyun getting fed to death. “Must’ve been nice. Kun’s family kept me well-fed, but I still lived off of take-outs for most of the break.”

Jaehyun pouts at him. “I told you that you could’ve come home with me. I bet my grandma would’ve had a field day trying to feed you. She complained about how skinny I got, and the entire time I was just like, ‘just wait until she sees Sicheng.’”

The way Jaehyun says it makes it sound like Sicheng will be meeting Jaehyun’s grandma in the future, which confuses him. He doesn’t say anything, though, and continues to listen to the stories Jaehyun tells of his cousins.

“Johnny was so horrified when Taeil hyung pulled out the ring and got on his knee,” Jaehyun chuckles as he recounts the story of his cousin getting proposed to. “Apparently Johnny picked out a ring _months_ ago and had this entire plan to propose at the restaurant they went on their first date at, but Taeil hyung beat him to it by proposing during our family reunion.”

“Poor Johnny.” Sicheng laughs, knowing just how much Johnny enjoys putting together elaborate plans. “How long did Taeil hyung plan the proposal?”

“That’s the thing.” Jaehyun leans in with a gleeful expression. “Taeil hyung picked out a ring just before they flew down to D.C. He didn’t even plan to propose at the reunion, apparently. Just brought the ring just in case.”

“Oh, god.” Sicheng feels bad for Johnny and what he’s sure was a romantic proposal plan, but he can’t help the laughter. “That sounds like Taeil hyung. I miss them. I’m glad they’re doing well.”

“They miss you too,” Jaehyun says. “They told me to send their regards. And to congratulate you on getting your piece chosen for the art show.”

Sicheng pauses, his fork frozen in mid-air. “How do they know about that?”

Jaehyun freezes when he realizes what he had just revealed. “Uh.” He blinks, looking like he’s trying to get out of the conversation. “I… told them?”

“Oh.” Sicheng furrows his eyebrows, not sure why Jaehyun’s so panicked at revealing that he’s told his cousin about Sicheng’s art. He had told his parents about how Jaehyun’s research had been chosen to be presented at an upcoming science fair thing, though he doesn’t know the exact details, as well. “Why do you seem so panicked?”

“I just keep setting myself up, huh,” muses Jaehyun, looking up at the ceiling in silent prayer. “Do you want me to be honest?”

Sicheng raises an eyebrow at that and gestures for Jaehyun to go ahead. “By all means.”

“I couldn’t stop talking about you during the reunion,” Jaehyun admits, poking at his pho with his chopsticks. He refuses to look up and meet Sicheng’s eyes. “I’m pretty sure I annoyed even Johnny with how much I talked about you.”

Oh. Well. Sicheng certainly hadn’t been expecting that. The question of _why_ is left hanging in the air, but Sicheng refuses to ask it. Not when he’s not sure if he even wants to hear the answer. They eat the rest of their dinner in awkward silence, only breaking the silence to fight for who gets the bill. In the end, Jaehyun wins, so Sicheng offers to pay for their dessert.

“Hot chocolate?” Jaehyun suggests as they leave the restaurant.

“Sure.” Sicheng nods.

They head to the café that’s across the street. Sicheng pays for their hot chocolate and they begin their trek back to the dorm, clutching the warm paper cup as the relentless January wind cuts through them.

“Maybe we should’ve just eaten at the dorms,” Jaehyun grunts as he pulls his coat around himself tighter. “Aren’t you cold? Why didn’t you bring a scarf?”

Sicheng shivers, doing the same as Jaehyun to protect his stomach from the cold. “Didn’t feel like digging through my bag for it. My dorm is close by, anyways.”

“Idiot,” Jaehyun says under his breath, bringing them to a stop by tugging on Sicheng’s arm. “Here.”

“I don’t need it—” Sicheng tries to protest when Jaehyun unwraps his scarf with one hand, rewrapping it around Sicheng with great difficulty. “Jaehyun.”

“Just take it,” Jaehyun mumbles. He holds his hot chocolate out for Sicheng to hold, which he does, and watches Jaehyun button up his coat in a daze. “I should’ve worn my parka. I forgot how cold it would be.”

Sicheng tries to unwrap Jaehyun’s scarf to give it back. “Seriously, take it back. Your dorm is farther than mine.”

“Sicheng,” Jaehyun says. “Just take it. Please.”

Sicheng falters, chewing on his bottom lip. “Okay, fine. But only if you promise to take it back when we get to my dorm.”

Jaehyun holds up a pinkie up in the air. “I promise.”

Satisfied with Jaehyun’s answer, Sicheng hands his hot chocolate back. The awkwardness from the dinner still lingers in the air, but it’s dissipated enough for Sicheng to feel comfortable looping their arms together. Besides, it’s cold, and Jaehyun is practically a human furnace.

“Do you know when the others are getting back?” Jaehyun asks. Sicheng shakes his head.

“Kun said he won’t be back until the weekend right before classes start, but I’m not sure about the rest,” he replies. “Jungwoo probably said it in the group chat, but I’m not sure. I didn’t backread. I remember Ten saying he’ll be back sometime next week, but to not expect him around until he gets used to the time difference.”

“Sounds like Ten,” Jaehyun snickers. “Doyoung?”

“Dunno.” Sicheng shakes his head. “I don’t think he ever told us. I’ll ask when we’re back at the dorm.”

“Okay.” Jaehyun hums, and the rest of their walk is spent in silence. Despite it being dark, Sicheng can still see the clouds thanks to how bright the moon is. He can’t see any stars, which is expected considering they go to the school in the city, but he can’t help but feel a little disappointed, still.

The wind is biting enough for it to feel like it’s going to snow, and since it hadn’t snowed at all during the entirety of winter break, Sicheng silently prays to wake up tomorrow to find blankets of white snow covering the campus.

“Do you want to stay over?” he blurts out without thought. As soon as the words leave his mouth, Sicheng’s eyes widen in horror, and if he had a free hand then he would’ve slapped it over his mouth. “Uh, I mean—”

“Sure.” Jaehyun looks at him and smiles softly. “Why not? I’ll just stop by my dorm to grab some clothes and come over?”

Sicheng shakes his head. There’s no use crying over spilled milk; he might as well just go with it since it was him to suggest the idea in the first place. “No need. I’m sure I have some oversized stuff that will fit you. Besides, it’s not like we have that much of a height difference.”

And it was true; they were practically the same height. However, Jaehyun’s shoulders were definitely a lot broader than his own, which made him seem bigger and taller.

“I guess.” Jaehyun seems hesitant, but before Sicheng can say he can get his own clothes if that makes him more comfortable, Jaehyun just shakes his head, looking like he’s fighting an inward battle with himself. “Okay, sure. I’ll be stealing your clothes for the night, then, Sicheng.”

“You’re washing them,” Sicheng warns jokingly. “Don’t return them until they’re clean, you hear?”

Jaehyun gives him a mini salute the best he can with the hand holding his hot chocolate. “Yes, sir!”

The two of them laugh, the awkward air from earlier completely disappearing as they go back to joking with each other, kicking at each other’s ankles and trying to trip each other.

And this is all Sicheng could wish for; to be able to joke with Jaehyun like this, to continue share their laughter together. He’s satisfied with the way things are now, and despite what everyone is telling him about how he should just confess, Sicheng won’t.

There are few things in his life that is as precious as his friendship with Jaehyun, and Sicheng absolutely refuses to let his crush ruin it.


	3. Chapter 3

Something between the two of them shifts after the night Jaehyun spent at Sicheng’s dorm, but Sicheng isn’t sure what. He doesn’t bring it up, waiting for Jaehyun to say something instead. But Jaehyun never says anything, so Sicheng chalks it up to it just being him and being caught up in his feelings.

“I’m telling you,” Jungwoo sighs for the umpteenth time that night. They’re at Sicheng’s dorm, sharing a couple of bottles of soju between them. Kun is too busy with grad school things to join them, while Doyoung is out with Taeyong. And with Jaehyun being the topic of discussion that night, both Sicheng and Jungwoo had wordlessly agreed not to invite him. “Just confess.”

“And _I’m_ telling _you_ , no.” Sicheng pours himself another shot and downs it. “Remind me why we’re using shot glasses again when it’s just the two of us? We could’ve just taken a bottle each to ourselves.”

Jungwoo shrugs. “I don’t remember. But too late now. Stop complaining and just drink, Sicheng. And think of some pros of confessing while you’re at it.”

“Pros? What pros?” Sicheng rolls his eyes. “I can only think of the cons right now.”

They finish the first bottle and Jungwoo doesn’t waste time in opening the second. “Liar,” he sings as he waves the new soju bottle around. “I’m sure you can think of a _few_ pros. Doesn’t matter how many there are, Sicheng, as long as they outweigh the cons in the end. Quality over quantity and all that, remember?”

Jungwoo is right, and he knows it. Deep down, Sicheng knows it too. Does that mean he’s ready to face the music and confront his feelings, and by extension, Jaehyun? No, it doesn’t.

“Pros.” While Sicheng had been busy angsting inside, Jungwoo had gotten up to dig through his desk for a piece of paper and pen. The pen that he’s holding is one that Sicheng had thought he’d lost last semester, and he frowns. “Okay. Let’s list some pros.”

Sicheng genuinely doesn’t know what to say. “I don’t know.”

Jungwoo sighs again, even rolling his eyes for good measure. “Okay, here’s the first one. You get a boyfriend. Escape the lonely single life! Yay. So exciting.” He claps as if to emphasize his point.

Truthfully speaking, Sicheng doesn’t think being single is too bad, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut as he watches in slight interest as Jungwoo writes down the first pro.

“Next one.” Jungwoo hiccups. He’s even more of a light weight than Sicheng, and now that they’re half a bottle in, Sicheng can see Jungwoo’s cheeks starting to glow red. “He’s hot.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that one,” Sicheng acquiesces, because emotionally constipated or not, Sicheng can admit that Jaehyun is hot. Damn, his fake boyfriend is good looking as hell. “Jaehyun is hot.”

“Agreed. Don’t tell him I said that. Ever.” Jungwoo points the pen in Sicheng’s direction, waving it around threateningly. “He’ll never let me live.”

Sicheng isn’t even sure if either of them will remember making this list tomorrow morning, but he dutifully mimes zipping up his lips and throwing away the key. Jungwoo looks satisfied at that and jots it down on the list. “Okay, next?”

“He’s reliable?” Sicheng offers. “I guess if we were dating for real, I would be able to rely on him for a lot of things.”

“Don’t you already do that now?” Jungwoo questions, though it looks like he’s asking himself. He writes it down anyways underneath the “Jaehyun is one hot motherfucker” bullet. “Okay, so far we have: Escaping the single life, Jaehyun is one hot motherfucker, and reliable. Anything else?”

Sicheng scrunches up his nose. He’s too tipsy to be able to think straight. Not that he’s very straight. Haha, he makes himself laugh sometimes. “I don’t know. I can’t think right now.”

“Ugh, mood.” Jungwoo draws a line down the middle, labelling the top of the paper with “CONS:” and underlining it. “Alright, what about the cons of confessing?”

“I ruin our friendship,” Sicheng answers almost immediately. “He doesn’t return my feelings, and I ruin my friendship with my best friend forever.”

Jungwoo stops writing, looking up at Sicheng with sad eyes. “Sicheng,” he says. “You don’t seriously think that do you?”

“No,” Sicheng mumbles. _Yes_ , his brain says. “But we wouldn’t be able to go back to how we are now, that’s for sure.”

Not even Jungwoo can refute that, because he most likely agrees. No matter how close they may be, no matter how hard they may try, if Sicheng confesses and Jaehyun doesn’t return the feelings, then there’s no doubt that their friendship will change in _some_ way—there’s just no helping that.

“Don’t you think the risk is worth it thought?” Jungwoo mumbles, doodling on the corner of the paper with a sad frown. “Sometimes, you have to take a risk, you know?”

Sicheng shakes his head. Normally he’d agree, but not this time. “No. I don’t want to risk losing Jaehyun. I don’t think I could live with myself if I did that. If my feelings ruined our friendship. It’s not worth it.”

Jungwoo doesn’t answer, pushing the paper towards Sicheng instead. He smiles when he sees that Jungwoo had doodled two stick figures hugging, one labelled KJW and the other labelled DSC.

“I’m here for you,” Jungwoo says with a wide yawn. Sicheng holds out a hand for Jungwoo to take and tugs him up, pulling him towards the bed. “We all are.”

“I know,” Sicheng mumbles, brushing Jungwoo’s hair out of his eyes. He lets Jungwoo take the bed, noting the dark circles under his eyes, and takes the futon instead, glad that he had decided to bring it this semester just in case. “Goodnight, Jungwoo.”

He doesn’t get an answer back, as Jungwoo is already asleep, but Sicheng lays in the futon awake alone for the next few hours, deep in thought as a million and one thoughts races through his mind.

\- ♪ -

There isn’t much time for Sicheng to mull over his feelings and panic at the thought of them. Junior year is truly its own, special brand of hell, and it’s even worse now that second term has officially started.

Sicheng’s advisor starts pestering him about internship applications, which most of his classmates have completed at the end of last semester. But Sicheng hasn’t really figured out what he wants to do with his degree just yet, and so he’s still in the process of searching.

Art had been something he could turn to when he needed an escape, but nowadays it seems that his main source of stress is the thing he loved doing most, so Sicheng thinks that him feeling lost is perfectly justified right now.

“I’m going to die,” he announces as he dumps his bag on top of the table. Jungwoo jumps while Kun doesn’t even flinch at the noise. “Where are Doyoung, Ten, and Jaehyun?”

“Taeyong picked Doyoung up for a date,” Kun says. “Ten has class right now. Not sure about Jaehyun, though. Shouldn’t you know?”

“Wait, pause.” Jungwoo holds his hand out in front of him. His eyes are closed, and he looks like he’s going to explode. “What do you mean Taeyong picked Doyoung up for a date. First of all, it’s a _Tuesday_. What the hell is Doyoung doing going out for date on a school night for? Second of all, since when are they dating? Third of all, how long have they been dating, what the fuck?”

“On a school night,” Sicheng mocks. “Are we still in high school, Jungwoo?”

“Shut up,” Jungwoo hisses. “How come you all have boyfriends while _I’m_ still painfully single—”

“I’m single too.” Kun raises his hand.

Sicheng raises his as well. “Me too.”

“Besides, you wouldn’t be single if you would just ask Mark out,” Kun points out. “Don’t be like Sicheng. Come on, Jungwoo.”

“Yeah! Hey, wait.” Sicheng looks at Kun in betrayal. “That was low.”

Kun shrugs. “It’s the truth.”

“You guys _both_ suck,” Jungwoo declares. “Kun you have Ten. Sicheng, you have Jaehyun. I think that you should both shut up and let me miserable in peace because apparently Mark has a _boyfriend_.”

Sicheng squints, trying to figure out if Jungwoo is being serious. “Uh, no he doesn’t.”

“Yes he does,” Jungwoo sulks. “I saw them eating lunch together the other day.”

“We’re eating lunch together right now, Jungwoo,” Kun deadpans. “Does that mean we’re all dating? Because I love you guys and all, but I sure as hell am _not_ interested in dating either of you two.”

Jungwoo scowls. “Not like that,” he protests. “You should’ve seen them. They seemed really close, and Mark was _blushing_.”

Sicheng raises his hand. “Mark doesn’t have a boyfriend,” he repeats himself. He thinks that Jungwoo should learn to listen, sometimes. “I know this, because Dejun, Hendery, and Lucas are friends with Mark, and they complain to me and Kun daily about how Mark won’t stop talking about his crush on his upperclassman.”

“See.” Jungwoo groans, burying his head into his arms. “He already has somebody that he likes. It’s pointless. I give up. I’m just going to be a hermit for the rest of my life and move to the mountains to raise sheep, or something.”

Sicheng and Kun exchange an “is he being serious?” look.

“Jungwoo,” Kun starts, “for someone who spent half of last semester calling Sicheng an idiot, you sure are pretty stupid yourself.”

“I take offense to that.” Sicheng scowls. “But yeah. Stop being an idiot, Jungwoo. That’s _my_ job. The upperclassman Mark is talking about is you, so just go confess to the kid already.”

“Suddenly I understand how you feel whenever we tell you to go confess to Jaehyun.” Jungwoo gives Sicheng a pained look. “I’ll never do it again, I swear.”

That’s a lie, and the three of them know it. “Sure,” Sicheng says. “Whatever you say, Jungwoo.”

“Stop being idiots, you two,” Kun tells them. He gets a text from someone—Ten, Sicheng is assuming—and cleans up his area. “I have to go meet up with Ten. Try not to burn anything down, yeah? Doyoung isn’t here to supervise.”

“We do not need someone supervising us,” Jungwoo protests, but it falls on deaf ears as Kun walks away without another glance. “How rude,” he huffs, crossing his arms. “Hey, Sicheng.”

“What?” Sicheng looks up from his lunch.

Jungwoo leans in, his eyes sparkling with mischief—a far cry from how dejected he had looked just five minutes ago. “I’ll confess to Mark if you confess to Jaehyun.”

Sicheng doesn’t regret throwing his pudding cup at Jungwoo; not even when the dining hall supervisor comes to their table and glares, threatening them to clean the mess up otherwise she’d make sure they’re banned from the dining hall for the rest of the year.

\- ♪ -

“Boo.”

Sicheng jumps when someone whispers into his ear, whirling around with the intention to kick whoever it is in the nose. He’s stopped by a pair of strong arms wrapping themselves around his waist, pulling him close. Sicheng lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding; it’s Jaehyun.

“Fuck,” he hisses, trying to calm his heartbeat. “You scared me, asshole.”

Jaehyun laughs, his eyes crinkling and his dimples on full display. “Sorry. Forgive me?”

Sicheng scowls. “Only if you buy me boba.”

“Deal,” Jaehyun agrees. “Are you free right now?”

It amuses Sicheng to no end that Jaehyun asks this every single time as if he doesn’t have Sicheng’s schedule memorized already. “I don’t know, Jaehyun. _Am_ I free?”

Jaehyun pouts at him, vaguely resembling a kicked puppy. “Don’t do that to me, Sicheng. I just want to go on a date with my boyfriend.”

There’s a word missing there, Sicheng wants to say, but the words get stuck in his throat and the only thing he can do is nod dumbfoundedly. Jaehyun beams at that and tugs them towards the building exit. Sicheng clears his throat, trying to find his voice. “Where are we going?”

“Gong Cha?” Jaehyun suggests. “It’s the closest place.”

“Sure.” Sicheng nods. “And you’re paying?”

“Anything for you,” Jaehyun coos, and Sicheng dies a little inside.

 _Be still, my heart_ , he chants in his head in panic. “Bold words from someone who’s broke and in debt,” Sicheng points out, hoping that Jaehyun doesn’t notice his internal debate and struggles. He’s not cut out for this life, Sicheng laments. He’s a disaster gay, not a confident one. “Are you sure you can back up your words, Jeong?”

“Why do you doubt my love for you?” Jaehyun dramatically clutches his heart, playing the part of the doubted boyfriend rather well, Sicheng notes with amusement. “Did you think I was joking when I said you’re the love of my life, Dong Sicheng?”

Sicheng’s brain short-circuits at Jaehyun’s words, and he desperately tries to pull himself together before Jaehyun can notice his lack of response. “What the fuck, Jaehyun,” he chokes out, unable to string anything else together. “What?”

Jaehyun pulls back a little, and the look in his eye changes. It’s subtle, just barely there, but Sicheng notices. He looks thoughtful as he studies Sicheng’s expression. “Interesting,” he murmurs to himself. Before Sicheng can ask what’s so interesting, Jaehyun perks up again and starts walking faster, dragging Sicheng along with him. “Come on,” he says. “The line’s going to get long if we don’t hurry.”

There’s a lot going on, from Jaehyun’s words and the way he brushes it off like it’s nothing. Sicheng wants to ask what he meant by _interesting_ , but Jaehyun doesn’t give him the chance. He’s already moved onto their group chat’s topic of the week, which is everyone minus Kun trying to figure out when the hell Taeyong and Doyoung had started dating.

They should probably talk about this soon, Sicheng thinks as they walk into Gong Cha. It’s been a while since anyone’s come up to Jaehyun asking him out, and Sicheng thinks they can drop the whole façade sooner rather than later. He watches Jaehyun order their drinks and thinks to himself, it’s for the best. To end this all soon—before anyone gets hurt.

And it’s with the thought of the end being near in mind that Sicheng allows himself to take a step forward. He accepts the drink Jaehyun holds out for him with a smile, and although he’s forced himself to come in terms with the fact that this will be ending soon, Sicheng finds himself struggling to smile back. If Jaehyun notices how tense Sicheng’s smile is, he doesn’t comment on it, offering his arm for Sicheng to take instead.

He can do this, Sicheng thinks to himself. They walk out of Gong Cha, and Sicheng forces himself to metaphorically leave behind his feelings for Jaehyun back as well. He can do this.

\- ♪ -

Avoiding Jaehyun isn’t the answer to his problems, he knows, but Sicheng doesn’t know what else he can do besides running away. After suggesting the whole fake dating idea, this is the next dumbest idea that Sicheng has had so far, and Kun doesn’t hesitate to let him know.

“You’re being an idiot,” Kun tells him, as if Sicheng needs the reminder. “Do you really think avoiding him is the solution here?”

It’s not. Sicheng knows. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to try, though, so he resolves himself to avoid Jaehyun the best he can until he can sort his shit out. The fine arts building and science building are on the opposite sides of campus from each other; avoiding Jaehyun should be easy as long as they don’t make any specific plans to hang out. Sicheng can do this.

Except, he can’t, because his plan fails spectacularly thanks to Jaehyun’s new habit of waiting for Sicheng after classes to walk him to wherever or just to hang out afterwards.

Sicheng can’t believe this. If this is a joke, then Sicheng doesn’t think it’s a very funny one, and he curses the heavens above when he sees Jaehyun waiting for him outside of the lecture hall yet again. He can only stare blankly as Jaehyun walks up to him, a small smile on his face as he approaches Sicheng.

“Hey. Did you have lunch yet?” Jaehyun asks as they’re leaving the building. “I think they’re trying to attempt sushi at Hill’s if you want to head there to eat.” He sees Sicheng’s horrified expression and laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, I thought so. Yugyeom said that his roommate went to go try it and feels sick now, so maybe it’s best we don’t eat there.”

“I can’t believe people would trust this school and raw fish together,” Sicheng hisses. “Let’s just go grab a sandwich from the student center. I don’t have much time, anyways. I have to meet with my professor about the art show before going to the studio.”

“Sure.” Somewhere during the walk to the student center, Jaehyun’s reached over to grab Sicheng’s hand, and Sicheng desperately wishes he could ignore the fluttery feelings in his chest at Jaehyun rubbing comforting circles on his thumb with his own.

Curse Jaehyun and his stupidly comforting presence. Curse Jaehyun for making Sicheng feel actual emotions.

“—and then Minho jokingly asked Chan for a kiss, but Chan was so sleep-deprived that he actually kissed Minho, and—”

Sicheng blinks, trying to focus on the conversation and failing. He’s usually more invested in the tragic love story of Jaehyun’s lab mates, but right now he’s too engrossed in his own internal struggles to pay attention.

“Why don’t you ever give me a kiss?” Sicheng blurts out. Jaehyun pauses. Sicheng is horrified.

“Uh.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “You never asked for one. Did you want a kiss?”

Suddenly, Sicheng recalls something Jungwoo had told him the other day. _Go with the flow_ , Jungwoo had said. Maybe he was onto something, Sicheng admits.

“Maybe,” Sicheng says. “Are you going to give me one?”

They’ve stopped walking at this point. Sicheng doesn’t think he’s felt so mortified in his entire life before as he and Jaehyun stare at each other. But before he can take back his words and play it off as a joke, there’s something soft pressing against Sicheng’s forehead, and all he can do is stare at the ground in panic.

“All you had to do was ask, you know,” Jaehyun murmurs, his lips brushing against Sicheng’s forehead with every word. Sicheng is frozen. What the fuck is happening? Jaehyun pulls back, his face flushed pink and eyes sparkling. “Anyways, lunch?”

If there is a God, he’s kind of an asshole, Sicheng cries inwardly as he mindlessly follows after Jaehyun towards the student center. Rather consistently, too. The Gay Gods are probably laughing at how much of a disaster he’s being, and Sicheng wants to raise his fist to the sky and tell them to fuck off, thank you very much.

(Later, when Sicheng gets back to his dorm, he screams into his pillow for three minutes straight before calling Kun.

“I can’t do this,” Sicheng wails.

Kun, the ever-so-patient angel, hangs up on him without a word, leaving Sicheng to fend for himself. That traitor.)

\- ♪ -

Doyoung slides into the seat across from Sicheng with a frown on his face. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure?” Sicheng looks up from his laptop and gives Doyoung a confused look. “What’s up?”

“You and Jaehyun,” Doyoung starts slowly, and Sicheng tenses, “are you guys really just faking it? Or are you official?”

Ah. Perhaps Sicheng should’ve expected someone to ask him about this sooner rather than later. It doesn’t surprise him that it’s Doyoung who asks him about it first, and despite the situation, Sicheng finds himself smiling.

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “I don’t know what he’s thinking.” And that’s the truth. Sometimes it feels like they’re dating for real and that it isn’t a façade, but then Sicheng is reminded that this is all fake and that the signs he desperately want to see from Jaehyun are just Sicheng wanting this to be real and trying to see things that aren’t there.

Doyoung huffs out a breath, blowing his bangs away from his face. “You should talk to him.”

Sicheng shrugs. “Probably,” he agrees.

“Talk to him, Sicheng.”

No, he doesn’t think he will, Sicheng thinks privately. “Maybe.”

Doyoung just shakes his head. “You two are both idiots,” he says under his breath. “I’ll see you later. Don’t forget to eat dinner.”

He leaves after that, waving goodbye and leaving Sicheng alone at the table again and staring after him.

\- ♪ -

“If I die,” Minghao furiously rubs his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up, “tell Mingyu to stay the fuck away from my stuff.”

Sicheng grimaces. He wishes that he could say Minghao is just being an overdramatic bastard, but honestly, he feels like death could come embrace him at any time and he’d be okay. When he looks over at the corner Chaeyeon had claimed for herself, Sicheng finds that she’s laying on top of her blanket face down. He worries briefly if she’s breathing but sees her twitching in her sleep(?) every now and then and waves his worries away. She’d be fine.

(He ignores the cans of Red Bull that are stacked up to make a pyramid next to her. Midterms week is hell for everyone, and art students certainly aren’t an exception.)

“I think,” Sicheng starts, “I’m going to drop out and just go live in a cave, or something. Do you want to join me, Minghao?”

“No way.” Minghao makes an X with his arms, rejecting Sicheng’s proposal. “Too many bugs. Also there wouldn’t be any Wi-Fi.”

Sicheng thinks about it for a second. “That’s true. Huh. How about the mountains? We can find a nice little cabin and raise sheep, or something.”

Minghao looks like he’s actually considering accepting this one, and Sicheng hopes that the two of them can come to an agreement on the interior design of their future cabin.

“Knock, knock.” Sicheng and Minghao turn around to see who the intruder is and Sicheng is surprised to find that it’s Jaehyun, who’s poking his head in and looking around. “Hi. Can I come in?”

“What are you doing here?” Sicheng asks, gesturing for Jaehyun to come inside, taking his bag off of the extra stool next to him so that Jaehyun can sit. “I thought you said you would be holed up in the lab for the next two weeks.”

Jaehyun shrugs, holding out the plastic bags he had been carrying for Sicheng to take. “Food break,” he explains. “I figured you would be holed up in the studio, too, so I came to drop off some dinner for you.”

Sicheng frowns down at the bag. It’s fried rice from his favorite Chinese restaurant, which is a fifteen-minute drive from campus. “You didn’t have to,” he says. “Your lab building is so far from here. And so is the restaurant.”

“I wanted to.” Jaehyun shrugs. “There’s dumplings in there, too. And the fried rice should be enough for like, four people, so I hope there’s enough for you guys to share. And I got you guys drinks. Nothing with caffeine, though, because you don’t need any more caffeine.” Jaehyun gives Sicheng a stern look and eyes their mini Red Bull can pyramid, which Sicheng ignores in favor of digging through the bag with drinks to take his pick.

“Sicheng,” Minghao calls out from his side of the room. Sicheng turns to look at his friend, who’s staring at him with a serious expression. “If you don’t marry him, _I_ will.”

“What?” Sicheng stammers. His face feels hot, and Sicheng knows that he’s probably bright red right now. “What the fuck, Minghao?”

Jaehyun is laughing next to him, leaning forward to wrap an arm around Sicheng’s shoulders and tugging him backwards into his chest. “Sorry, Minghao,” he teases. “But I only have eyes for one person.”

Sicheng doesn’t think it’s possible for him to turn even redder. He covers his face with his hands, praying for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. Jaehyun must think the entire exchange his hilarious, that asshole, because the only thing he does is laugh harder and hooks his chin over Sicheng’s shoulder.

“Ugh, disgusting.” Minghao gags. “Go be gross somewhere else. This is a ‘no romance allowed’ area.”

“Don’t act like I didn’t catch you making out with Jun in here the other day.” Sicheng looks up with a scowl. “You’re terrible.”

Minghao just laughs and turns back to work on his painting. Jaehyun chuckles, scooting his stool forward so that Sicheng’s sitting in between his legs. “Aw, baby,” Jaehyun coos. “Your face is so red.”

“Shut up,” Sicheng hisses, trying to free himself from Jaehyun’s arms. Jaehyun just tightens his hold on Sicheng in return, and he gives up, slumping against Jaehyun’s chest instead. “You’re terrible, too.”

“Even after I brought you food.” Jaehyun pouts. “So mean, Sicheng. To your own boyfriend, too.”

Sicheng wants to shove something into Jaehyun’s mouth to shut him up. “Do you ever stop talking? I’m asking for a friend.”

Jaehyun giggles. “No, I don’t. I should go now, though. I just came to drop dinner off for you.” He pulls back from their embrace, a sad look on his face. “I won’t be able to see you for a while, probably. The conference is coming up, so we’re trying to have everything finalized by the end of this week.”

“That’s fine,” Sicheng reassures him, turning around on his stool so he can face Jaehyun. He brushes Jaehyun’s hair away from his eyes. “You need a hair-cut.”

“I know.” Jaehyun grunts in displeasure, tugging at his bangs that are too long. “I’ll get one before the conference.”

Sicheng smiles. “Good luck, _baobei_. Remember to eat, okay?”

“I should be saying that to you.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes good-naturedly, getting up from the stool. “Text me when you’re home, okay? I’ll try to call you when we’re taking breaks in between.”

“Okay,” Sicheng agrees. He allows Jaehyun to take one of his hands to lace their fingers together, giving it a squeeze before letting go. “Text me when you get to lab.”

Jaehyun gives him a two-finger salute before leaving, shutting the door quietly behind him. Sicheng gets up from his seat to go set up their dinner at the table they use to eat, ignoring Minghao’s stares from across the room.

“You guys are really cute,” Minghao comments, walking over to the table so he can help set up. “What drinks did he buy?”

Sicheng wordlessly slides the plastic bag over towards Minghao, having taken out his pick already. As he goes to wake Chaeyeon up so that she can eat too, Sicheng wonders if maybe his and Jaehyun’s fake relationship isn’t so fake after all.

\- ♪ -

**Dong Sicheng has created a chat!** **  
Dong Sicheng has invited _Kun, Doyoung, Ten,_ and _Jungwoo_ to the chat!  
Dong Sicheng has changed the group name to [the disaster gay room]**

 **Sicheng:** welcome

 **Kun:** …

 **Jungwoo:** oh my god

 **Ten:** ???

 **Jungwoo:** u added even TEN????? god, u rly are desperate, aren’t u sicheng <33

 **Doyoung:** im in class  
**Doyoung:** stop spamming

 **Jungwoo:** then mute us

 **Doyoung:** :|

 **Ten:** lmao he doesn’t want to because he wants the tea, babyyyyy  
**Ten:** speaking of which why am i here and why is this named the disaster gay room

 **Sicheng:** this is where i will be a disaster gay about jaehyun

 **Ten:** huh???  
**Ten:** why jaehyun????

 **Jungwoo:** omg ten… where have u BEEN… u missed so much, boo x

 **Ten:** do not call me that ever again or i’ll make sure no one ever finds your body uwu  
**Ten:** why is sicheng being a disaster gay over jaehyun

 **Jungwoo:** ugh this is what u get for being OLD and having responsibilities… u miss things

 **Ten:** kim jungwoo u are on thin fucking ice <33  
**Ten:** some of us have GRAD SCHOOL to worry about, thanks!!!!!!!

 **Sicheng:** whos free rn

 **Doyoung:** did i or did i not just say im in class

 **Sicheng:** whos free rn except for doyoung*

 **Jungwoo:** not me :(( i have a meeting with my advisor like… 5 minutes ago :(((

 **Doyoung:** …jungwoo please go to the meeting you have with your advisor

 **Jungwoo:** >:( ugh FINE!

 **Ten:** physically i cannot be there but ill be there spiritually for whatever this is for  
**Ten:** is anyone going to tell me why sicheng is a disaster gay for jaehyun or what

 **Kun:** I’m free right now, Sicheng. Where do you want to meet?

 **Sicheng:** ur room pls

 **Kun:** Okay. Message me when you’re here.

 **Sicheng:** ok

 **Ten:** wtf someone answer me?????

\- ♪ -

“Hey,” Kun greets when he opens the entrance to his building. “I have ramen if you’re hungry.”

Sicheng shakes his head. “I just ate, but thanks. I brought drinks?” He holds up the plastic bag that he’s holding. “I bought your favorite. Orange juice, right?”

The corner of Kun’s lips quirk up into a smile; they both know that Sicheng has everyone’s favorite drinks memorised. “Yeah. Thanks. You didn’t need to bring anything, you know that, right?”

“I know. I passed by the student center on my way here, so…” He watches as Kun unlocks his door, kicking off his shoes and trailing after him. Kun had gotten one of the lofts just off campus, a double, at that, and Sicheng is endlessly jealous of the fact that Kun has his own _bathroom_. “Ten’s not here?”

“No.” Kun shakes his head. “He won’t be back until dinner, probably. Do you want to join us?”

“Maybe.” Sicheng shrugs. “Depends on what time. If he gets back too late, I don’t want to wait,” he tries to joke, but it falls flat if Kun’s expression is anything to go by. “Why are you giving me that look?”

“What happened?” Kun questions, plopping down onto the couch. He pats the space next to him, and Sicheng places the drinks onto Kun’s coffee table before taking a seat next to him. “You wouldn’t have made a separate group chat like that if it wasn’t so bad.”

Sicheng breathes. Inhale. Exhale. “I don’t know what to do, Kun.”

Kun’s expression softens. “About Jaehyun?”

“Yeah.” Sicheng nods. “I don’t know. It’s just so confusing. One minute I’ll be _sure_ that this is all just for pretend and come to terms with that, but then he’ll turn around and do, I don’t know, _things_ ,” Sicheng flails, “that make me confused all over again, and _I don’t know what to do_.”

“Okay, first of all, breathe,” says Kun, reaching over to poke Sicheng’s forehead. “Have you maybe considered the fact that maybe this _isn’t_ all ‘just for pretend’ for Jaehyun?”

He has. Sicheng has considered that possibility, but he hadn’t been sure if that’s a possibility that he’d like the explore. “But what if I’m reading the signs wrong?”

Kun shakes his head. “I don’t think you are,” he says. “To be honest, Jungwoo and I talked about this a little bit. We were really confused for a while because you guys told us that you’re just pretending to be boyfriends, but from what we saw, everything seemed so real. I thought that you guys started dating officially and just forgot to tell us, but then Doyoung told me the other day that you told him you guys aren’t dating.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng whispers. “We’re not.”

 _But I wish we were_.

“But you wish you were, right?” Kun points out, and Sicheng flinches. “I’m not a mind reader,” he says before Sicheng can even open his mouth, chuckling a little. “It’s just written all over your face, Sicheng. Why don’t you want to talk to him?”

Sicheng brings his knees up to his chest. “I think a part of me likes the way things are right now,” Sicheng admits quietly. “The whole ‘no strings attached’ thing. I’m scared that once this becomes real, I’ll fuck something up and ruin everything I have with Jaehyun, and I don’t want to do that. I know that it’d be a shitty thing to do to go into a relationship with the thought of its ending in mind, but I can’t help but think that I’m just going to drive Jaehyun away because of who I am as a person sometimes.”

“You mean when you leave everyone on read and disappear off the face of the earth to finish your paintings?” Kun asks dryly, and Sicheng shoves him with a pout. “Okay, real talk though,” Kun sobers up, “I don’t think you should worry about that. I mean Jaehyun’s still here, isn’t he? He’s seen both the good sides and the bad sides of you, but he’s still here. I don’t think it would be fair to him if you just assume that he’s going to walk away just because you’re human like the rest of us, you know?”

“I know.” Sicheng fidgets in his seat, wiping his palms on his pants. “But I feel like I’m being selfish, you know? I feel like it would be too selfish of me to expect things from him when I’m a coward who can’t even admit that I’m in love with my best friend.”

Kun stares up at his ceiling, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I don’t think you’re selfish,” Kun says. “I don’t think you’re being selfish at all.”

“But—”

“From where I’m sitting,” Kun interrupts before Sicheng can continue, “you don’t seem selfish. Not in the slightest. You may think you are, but to me it seems more like you’re scared of hurting other people and scared of getting hurt.

“You’re just scared, Sicheng,” Kun says quietly. “You’re scared, just a little bit more than other people are, and that’s not your fault.”

\- ♪ -

The talk he has with Kun eases Sicheng’s worries just a little bit, but it’s still not enough to convince him to talk to Jaehyun about it, though, much to Kun’s ire.

Sicheng thinks that it’s fine—the way things are right now, that is. He feels perfectly content just having Jaehyun by his side, and he doesn’t feel the need to confess or make things official. Despite Kun insisting that Jaehyun is most likely in love with Sicheng as well and Doyoung taking it upon himself to call Sicheng an idiot whenever they hang out, Sicheng stays firm in his decision to not confront Jaehyun about it.

Surprisingly enough, Jungwoo is the only one who stays silent throughout it all. Sicheng had thought that Jungwoo would be the most vocal about how much of an emotional idiot Sicheng is being—Kun’s words, not his—considering how _loud_ Jungwoo had been in the beginning. But Sicheng takes it into stride, thankful for the small mercies.

\- ♪ -

**Jaehyun:** sichenggg  
**Jaehyun:** babyyyy

 **Sicheng:** hm?

 **Jaehyun:** are u free right now?

 **Sicheng:** yeah i just got out of a meeting with my prof  
**Sicheng:** whats up?

 **Jaehyun:** we need to talk about something

 **Sicheng:** oh  
**Sicheng:** sure where do u want to meet?

 **Jaehyun:** im near ur dorms rn? we can talk there, maybe?

 **Sicheng:** ok  
**Sicheng:** be there in 5

\- ♪ -

Jaehyun’s messages terrify Sicheng, but he refuses to let it show. He finds Jaehyun sitting on one of the benches outside and walks up behind him, tapping him on the shoulders to let him know that Sicheng is here. Jaehyun jumps in surprise, and Sicheng revels at being the one to surprise Jaehyun for once.

“Hey.” Sicheng bites his lip, feeling the anxiety rising. “What’s up?”

As if sensing Sicheng’s unease, Jaehyun stands up and tilts his head towards the entrance. “Do you want to talk inside?”

Sicheng shrugs, feigning indifference. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

The short walk up to Sicheng’s dorm is silent, which leaves Sicheng to jump to the worst possible conclusions. He doesn’t even know why his mind is creating these scenarios when Sicheng shouldn’t have expected anything in the first place, and his hands shake as he tries to unlock his door.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun leans in with a small frown, reaching around Sicheng so he can steady his hand. “Why are your hands so clammy? Do you feel sick?”

“No,” Sicheng chokes out. He clears his throat. “I was just nervous during the meeting with my professor, that’s all.” He manages to unlock his door, discretely freeing his hand from Jaehyun’s, and enters his room first. “So, what’s up?”

Jaehyun takes his time to look around Sicheng’s room as if it’s his first time coming over. Sicheng waits, pulling his knees up to his chest and grabbing his pillow to hug as he waits for Jaehyun to finish doing whatever it is that he’s doing.

Once he’s done looking around Sicheng’s room, Jaehyun joins Sicheng on his bed, sitting down next to him. Unlike Sicheng, though, Jaehyun ops to lean back on his hands as he studies Sicheng with a pensive expression on his face. “Jungwoo asked me something this morning,” Jaehyun reveals. “And I thought I’d share with you so I could hear what your thoughts on the matter is.”

Sicheng furrows his eyebrows, not having expected this. “Uh, okay? What’d he ask you?”

“He asked me if we’re dating,” Jaehyun says. “Not the fake relationship thing we did last semester. He asked if we’re dating officially yet.”

Sicheng tightens his grip on his pillow. Part of him worries that he’s going to rip it, but Sicheng can’t bring himself to care too much. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun tilts his head. “I didn’t know what to tell him, because I don’t know if we are. So I told him that, and he called me an idiot and left. Jungwoo scares me sometimes.”

Ah, so Jaehyun had been just as confused as Sicheng, then. His last comment manages to get a small smile out of Sicheng, but he still feels too nervous to be properly amused. “Doyoung asked me the same thing the other day, too,” Sicheng admits. “And I told him the same. That I don’t know.”

“Well,” Jaehyun starts, his eyes not straying from Sicheng’s face, “you already know that I like you, so…”

Sicheng’s brain short-circuits, because _what._ “Wait, what?”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “I like you, Sicheng.” He frowns at Sicheng’s dumbfounded expression and sits up straight. “Wait, did you not know?”

“No?” Sicheng sputters. “I didn’t know that; what the fuck?”

“Oh, my God,” Jaehyun lets out a laugh of disbelief. “I can’t believe this. You really didn’t know? Like, you’re being serious right now?”

“Yes, I’m being serious,” Sicheng snaps. “How was I supposed to know?”

“Sicheng, I’ve been flirting with you since our freshmen year,” Jaehyun deadpans. “Everyone knew that I’ve been in love with you since then. I really thought you knew, and that you suggested the whole fake relationship thing because of it.”

“This is so fucked up,” Sicheng whispers. “I’m such an idiot. Oh, my God.”

“Yeah, you kind of are.” Jaehyun makes a face. “Did you seriously not know?”

“No.” Sicheng groans and buries his head into his pillow, ignoring Jaehyun’s noise of protest and refusing to budge when Jaehyun tries to pull his pillow away. “Oh, my God, go away and let me cry about being an idiot peace, you asshole.”

Jaehyun successfully tugs Sicheng’s pillow away with a triumphant “aha!” He throws it to the side before grabbing Sicheng’s face with both his hands, squishing his cheeks. “No way,” he rejects. “I just confessed to my fake boyfriend that I like him for real. Don’t you think I deserve an answer?”

Sicheng scowls the best he can while his cheeks are being squished. “You’re an asshole, Jeong. Are you going to make me say it out loud?”

“Yup.” Jaehyun pops the ‘p’ loudly with a wide grin. “You have to say it back, Sicheng. It’s only fair.”

Sicheng grunts. “Fine. I like you too.”

Jaehyun beams, and Sicheng thinks that if he knew just how liberating it would feel to admit his feelings for Jaehyun out loud like this, he would’ve done so ages ago. “I like you,” Sicheng repeats, just because he can. “I like you a lot.”

“Good.” Jaehyun looks stupidly cute with that stupid smile of his, and Sicheng kind of wants to kiss him. “Because I like you a lot, too.”

Jaehyun leans in, closing his eyes, and Sicheng does the same. Their first kiss is a mess, mainly because neither of them can stop smiling but also because Jaehyun still hasn’t stopped squishing Sicheng’s cheeks.

Their second kiss a little better, but not by much. Jaehyun finally released Sicheng’s cheeks, but Sicheng can’t stop giggling despite Jaehyun’s whining.

“Sorry,” Sicheng says, trying to reign in his giggles. He fails, though, and has to bite down on his lower lip to get himself to stop. Jaehyun doesn’t seem like he minds too much, though, from the way he starts to pepper kisses all over Sicheng’s face. Sicheng doesn’t mind either; there will be more kisses for them in the future, after all.

“Just for the record,” Jaehyun murmurs against Sicheng’s lips, “I confessed first.”

Sicheng rolls his eyes, closing the last few millimeters between them instead of gracing Jaehyun with an answer.

_epilogue_

“So,” Jaehyun starts. Sicheng looks up from his book; something about Jaehyun’s tone is putting him on edge. “Kun told me something interesting yesterday when we were grabbing dinner with Ten.”

Sicheng sets down his book, staring at Jaehyun warily. “Yeah? What did he tell you?”

“He told me about that night you got drunk over winter break. When we were all on FaceTime playing Skribbl, do you remember?”

Oh, fuck. Sicheng pales. He’s going to kill Kun.

Jaehyun continues, ignoring Sicheng’s mortified expression, “He said that when you were rambling in Chinese, you were talking about me, but wouldn’t tell me what you said. He told me to ask you myself, so here I am, asking you about what you said.”

Sicheng doesn’t know if he should run for it or if he should go track down Kun. Maybe he’ll skip down and move to a different country. Change his name. Live with the sheep, maybe. Anywhere would be better than here.

“I think,” Sicheng says when Jaehyun kicks his foot with his own, “that I’m going to kill Kun.”

Jaehyun laughs loudly at that and Sicheng wants to die just a little. “Don’t do that,” Jaehyun chuckles. “Otherwise I would’ve never known that you drunk rambled about me.”

“Yeah, and you weren’t supposed to find out. _Ever_.” Sicheng is going to kill Kun. He’s going to kill him dead and nobody can stop him.

“So what did you say?” Jaehyun leans in, mirth swimming in his eyes. “Come on, Sicheng. Don’t leave me hanging here.”

“Nothing,” Sicheng scowls. “I said absolutely nothing.”

“Sicheng,” Jaehyun whines, moving from his spot on the bed to crawl over next to Sicheng. “Tell me, please?”

“Maybe over my dead body,” Sicheng hisses, trying to avoid Jaehyun’s grabby hands. “Go away.”

“No.” Jaehyun manages to hook his legs over Sicheng’s hips and uses it as leverage to drag him backwards. He buries his face in Sicheng’s back and exhales. It tickles, and Sicheng squirms a little to get into a comfortable position. They stay like that for a while in silence, appreciating the peace the surrounds them after a particularly hellish week.

Just as Sicheng is starting to drift off to sleep, Jaehyun breaks the silence. “Hey,” he mumbles. “Guess what?”

“What?” Sicheng mumbles back sleepily. When Jaehyun shifts upwards, Sicheng raises his head a little so that Jaehyun can put his arm underneath, spooning Sicheng from behind. “What is it?”

“I love you,” Jaehyun says, placing a kiss on the back of Sicheng’s neck. He can feel Jaehyun smiling, and Sicheng finds himself smiling as well.

“I love you, too,” Sicheng says, lacing their fingers together.

“Are you going to sleep?” Jaehyun asks quietly. Sicheng nods, too tired to form words. “Okay. Good night.”

“Good night, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun presses one last kiss onto Sicheng’s cheek. “Make sure to dream about me, okay?”

Sicheng huffs out a quiet laughter. He opens one eye and finds that Jaehyun is leaning over him with mirth swimming in his eyes.

“We’ll see about that, Jeong,” he whispers, smiling when Jaehyun leans down to press their lips together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading ^^
> 
> as always, comments + kudos are highly appreciated!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/misfitshyuck)


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